


All That Glitters

by mrsrobinson



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bottom Jared, Consensual Underage Sex, Cute Kids, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff and Angst, High School, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Rape/Non-con Elements, Top Jensen, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:32:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsrobinson/pseuds/mrsrobinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared meet when they are practically infants. The duo becomes a trio when they meet  Genevieve. Growing up in the wealthy suburbs of Los Angeles, they discover that not everything is as it seems. When events conspire to make everyone see what's really been going on under the glamour and glitz of money and excess, they each have a decision to make. Will the consequences of their actions be too much to keep them together? Or will someone have to pay the ultimate price? </p><p>This story is homage to the angst filled coming of age movies of the late 80's - early 90's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All That Glitters

**Author's Note:**

> This was another exciting, scary, educational experience for me. This is my second Big Bang and for me, much harder to deal with in terms of content and structure from my first, last year. But I had a wonderful support team, giving me fantastic guidance and beautiful things to look at for inspiration. For that, a thousand Thank You's!!!
> 
> Comments are much appreciated!!!

 

  **[LJ Master Post](http://mrs-robinson123.livejournal.com/10213.html) | [Art Master](http://tigermaus.livejournal.com/93594.html) | [Soundtrack](http://mrs-robinson123.livejournal.com/10435.html) **

 

He takes a sip of the dark liquid and it scalds the tip of his tongue. It doesn’t matter, really, all that matters is that it’s caffeinated, he’s finally here and the doctors are still working on his best friend.  
  
Well, his other best friend. Not that that matters either.  
  
He hits number two on his speed dial one more time and the message sounds again, just as it had the last time and the three times before that. He sighs again and tries in earnest now to not get any more annoyed than he already is. He needs to focus.  
  
It’s late, or early depending on your social calendar; the quiet hush of hospital workers doing their jobs and occasionally nodding sympathetically to the few friends and families of loved ones in their care sitting or pacing in the waiting room. Jensen has only been there an hour or so, lucky to have caught the last flight out of JFK.  
  
He already filled out as much information as he could recall on her admission form, not surprisingly he knew almost all but for her insurance and Social Security Number and gave the nurse his information and the phone numbers for her parents. Jensen had explained to the admitting nurse at the desk that he was the only person closest to family in town that could check in on Genevieve. Yes, he had already contacted her parents who were with his and Jared’s parents somewhere in the Côte d’Azur. They too were catching the first planes they could, but it would take at least a day for them to arrive. Since it was Los Angeles, that reasoning was not uncommon among the jet set, wealthy elite. Unfazed, the nurse made a few notes on the chart.  
  
She had told him to wait in the lounge and that she’d speak to the doctor attending Ms. Cortese. “Just try to relax Mr. Ackles, it may be awhile.”  
  
Jensen takes another sip, the burn numbing itself and winces instead at the scorched taste of the bitter juice. It is hospital coffee and he shouldn’t be expecting Intelligentsia or something decent at this hour, even if it is Cedars-Sanai. Stretching his legs out and pinching the bridge of his nose, he settles back into the softly upholstered seat and waits for what he thinks will be at least another few hours. Cursing Jared’s name under his breath, where the hell is he? Jensen takes a few long blinks and tries not to get angry before he knows what happened. The soft hum of a janitor pushing a floor polisher along the dimmed hallways lulls him towards sleep, images of Jared, Gen and him flicker behind his eyelids: bright happy days, just being kids.

  

_The sky is a giant expanse of cerulean blue, the trees fluttering in the warm breeze are so intensely green that Jensen thinks for a second, somewhere in his lizard brain, that he’s dreaming, but he can feel the heat starting to climb, thick with late summer humidity, he sees the little boy across the playground, blond as ever and knows it’s a memory.  
  
Jensen ran back around to the ladder again, ready for another go on the big slide in the park. At least ten rides down it already, he loved the rush and thrill the slide gave him. Big enough now to play on his own, or rather Josh having graduated to skateboarding and older kid stuff, Jensen had commandeered the playground to himself and with that the big slide. It was colossal, so much higher than the other slide; he could see the whole expanse of the park up here. All the smaller kids were either playing in the sandbox or on some of the climbing equipment, nannies and mothers pushing babies on the swings and at the top of the big slide, Jensen was king. He slung his legs into the shoot and let go. The speed which he flew down the bright yellow luge, arms in the air, made his heart pump like crazy. Flying off the end trying to see how far out he could land in the sand, Jensen was having a great time. All by himself.  
  
That was ok, because he didn’t really like the other kids his age. His momma always said it was because Jensen was shy, but that wasn’t really it, or at least he didn’t think so. Jensen just liked to do things other kids didn’t and he was fine with that. He had some friends in class, but none that he spent time with outside of school, except for the required birthday parties. It was always the girl parties he had to go to and he was usually the only boy. Girls were so loud and giggly all the time and nothing they said ever made any sense to Jensen, but there was always cake and a goody bag so he took that as payment for services rendered, at least that’s what his dad told him how to look at it. He didn’t get that either, but just took it. To be honest, the boys weren’t all that nice to him. They teased him a lot, called him Jenny and said he looked like a girl, called him names he knew were bad but didn’t know the meaning of, so he kept his distance.  
  
He liked being by himself. He did, it was just, easier.  
  
As he stood up and brushed the sand off his knees readying for another ride, his momma called for him. “Jensen?”  
  
He looked over to her sitting on the benches with the baby next to her in the stroller. She motioned him to come to her and he sighed and yelled, “Coming!”  
  
He jumped up on to the sidewalk and walked over to her. Donna Ackles was beautiful, with long gold hair, a kind smile and eyes like his. She was talking to a woman seated next to her and laughed when he reached to hug her knees.  
  
“Oh Jensen, you’re all sweaty.” She took a small cloth from her bag and swiped it down his face but Jensen just shook his head away.  
  
“I’m playing mom.” He huffed, eager to get back to it.  
  
She handed him a juice box and as he sucked it down trying to catch his breath, she ran her fingers around his ear said, “Jensen, this is Mrs. Padaletski and her son Jared.” Or at least that’s how it sounded to him.  
  
Mrs. Padaletski nudged a small boy from behind her and scooted him towards Jensen. “Say hi, Jared.”  
  
The boy said nothing, blushing instead under his mass of brown hair. He was much younger than Jensen; no way could he ride the big slide by himself. Jensen finished the juice, threw the container back in the bag, wiped his mouth and asked with a huff, “Can I go back now?”  
  
“Yes, but take Jared with you.” His mom said.  
  
“Mom…” He moaned.  
  
“Go.” She pushed. “I’ll take you for ice cream when were done.”  
  
He looked to the little kid, Jared, and put his hands on his hips. “Well, come on.”  
  
Jared’s mom gave him a pat on the butt and pushed him towards Jensen. “Go on honey, I’ll be right here.”  
  
Jared looked to the ground and ran the toe of his shoe back and forth across the ground. Jensen just rolled his eyes, grabbed his hand and marched him to the little slide.  
  
“You’re too small for the big slide.” He tried to drag Jared up the five steps to the top of the little slide. “This slide is for the babies.”  
  
The kid pulled his hand back hard. “I’m not a baby” Jared snapped.  
  
He pushed past Jensen, climbed up and slid down by himself, turning back to look up at Jensen, who was watching him from the top. “See?”  
  
Jensen followed him down and said, “Okay, you’re not a baby, but I don’t think you should go down the big slide by yourself.”  
  
They walked to the big slide and climbed up the ladder and Jensen pushed Jared down into a sitting position with his legs out front and then sat behind him bracketing Jared with his legs at the top of the shoot. They inched closer and Jared grabbed Jensen’s legs and Jensen pushed them off. They both screamed all the way down.  
  
He wasn’t sure how long they’d been there but he and Jared must have gone down the slide together at least twenty times, played on the swings, the climbing equipment and with some of Jared’s toys. They talked about Star Wars action figures and which cartoons were the coolest and when Jared smiled or laughed dimples would appear on his cheeks.  
  
For a little kid, Jared was ok, Jensen thought.  
  
“You boys ready for some ice cream?” Donna asked.  
  
Both boys jumped up, nodding in agreement.  
  
That night when his mom tucked him into bed, Jensen asked if he was going to be able to play with Jared again. She said she was sure it could be arranged and kissed his forehead.  
Jensen thought about the day and Jared, and that when they went for ice cream Jared had asked for the same flavor Jensen ordered.  
  
Jared was smart too.  
  
They spent the rest of their summer playing together.  
  
Either at the park or each other’s homes and they even got to go to the water park a few times. Everything Jensen did, Jared did. He wasn’t scared of anything, Jensen liked that. On several occasions, Jared spent the night at the Jensen’s house and Jensen stayed the night at his house. Sherry Padalecki and his mother would just laugh and called the two of them inseparable. Neither Jared nor Jensen knew what that meant, but they just kept on.  
  
Jensen taught Jared everything he knew about life, like how Lucky Charms were better for you than Apple Jacks because they don’t hurt your mouth and Jared was transfixed, always asking for more.  
  
It was only when their mothers had taken them shopping for clothes did Jensen realize that school was going to be starting and that things were going to change. They wouldn’t be able to see each other every day like they had been, Jensen was going to be in second grade and Jared was just starting kindergarten. They would be at the same school but they wouldn’t have the same lunch or recess and Jared would be home before Jensen.  
  
This wasn’t a fun day.  
  
They put a giant red X’s on the calendars hanging from their respective refrigerators and were counting down the days, trying to cram as much fun in together as they could before summer was over.  
  
It was the Saturday before school started and they were both sitting on the giant sofa in Jensen’s family room, pouting together. Donna had tried to get them to at least go outside and play in the pool but neither wanted to do that. Jared mirrored Jensen with a crushed pillow in his lap and they just slumped down further and looked at nothing special on the television.  
  
Jared finally broke the silence. “We can still play after school, right?”  
  
“I guess, but I’m gonna have to do my homework first and then it’ll be dark.” Jensen sighed.  
  
“We can still play together on the weekends, right?” Jared tried.  
  
“Yeah weekends, until I have to start soccer.” Jensen kicked a pillow onto the floor a drooped across the seat cushion, head landing on Jared’s leg.  
  
“I’m gonna miss you.” Jared gave a crooked half smile down at Jensen.  
  
Jensen sat up and looked at him, “You’re my best friend Jared.”  
  
Just then Josh walked through the room and sneered at them. “What are you babies crying about?”  
  
Jensen grabbed the pillow off the ground and threw it at him, “Shut up jerk.”  
  
Josh threw the pillow back at Jensen and grabbed the remote. Jensen grabbed Jared’s hand and led them to his room.  
  
“I know what we can do. We can write each other letters and say what we’ve been doing during the week.” Jensen was reaching into his new backpack for a pencil and some paper.  
  
“I don’t know how to do that.” Jared cheeks flushed and he looked like he was about to cry. “I’m sorry.”  
  
Jensen got up and hugged him, “It’s ok. I’ll teach you.”  
  
“Jensen?” Jared sniffled.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Promise, you’ll still teach me?” Jared asked, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s waist.  
  
“Yeah,” He said, giving Jared a squeeze. “I promise.”_

  

_“Mr. Ackles?” A voice asks.  
  
A hand is shaking his shoulder gently and Jensen sits up startled. He looks around through sticking contact lenses and it takes a minute for him to remember where he is. Waiting Room. Cedars. Gen.  
  
“Yeah, yes?” His throat’s dry and cracked; he pops his elbow, a left over from one of their many stupid adventures. He stands, shakes out his legs, turning towards the hand. “Yes, I’m Jensen Ackles. How is Gen?”  
  
“Hello Mr. Ackles, I’m Doctor Kincaid, Miss Cortese’s surgeon.” Slightly graying at the temples, he’s a little taller than Jensen; his face has a kindness to it. None of the cold hard cynicism he sees so often in people from New York. “I understand her family cannot be present for at least another day?”  
  
Jensen nods and crosses his arms. “That’s right, they are on their way now, and I know they’ll call me as soon as they are stateside.”  
  
“Generally we can’t give out information to anyone but immediate family. However, given the circumstances and a nurse noted that Miss Cortese repeated to the EMT to call you, I think we can safely assume you are family for all intents and purposes.” His stance relaxing a little more, he motions Jensen to sit back down.  
  
“Thank you, she is my family and I’m hers, have been for almost twenty years.” That number sounds unreal to Jensen, almost twenty years. He can still remember the day they met Gen.  
  
“That’s good; well I’m glad you’re here.” He looks down at the medical chart in his lap, shakes his head a few times and gives a small smile. “While we have her stabilized, her condition is still critical due to her internal injuries and blood loss.”  
  
Jensen swallows hard. “But she’ll be ok?”  
  
He just smiles, and while that’s not entirely reassuring, Jensen relaxes his clenched fists.  
  
“Now Miss Cortese, Genevieve’s condition is a sensitive nature, I trust you understand what that means?” He looks to Jensen for understanding. Jensen nods. “She came in with excessive vaginal bleeding and she had stated to the emergency response operator and the medical technicians that she had taken an Emergency Contraceptive Pill.” He paused to make sure Jensen was following along. “The Morning After pill?”  
  
“Ok?” Jensen says, his voice shaking a bit, as far as he knew she wasn’t seeing anyone. But of the three, that’s always how he thought of them when he thought of them, The Three. She was the Boy Scout, always prepared for whatever came their way. It just didn’t tell him why she took it though.  
  
“She had had an adverse reaction, which is quite uncommon, but when we checked along with her other injuries we saw signs of mass trauma.” The doctor paused again, checking for understanding.  
  
Jensen figured he must have failed.  
  
“I’m sorry son; Miss Cortese was severely raped and beaten.” He put his hand on Jensen’s forearm to ease the shock.  
  
Jensen sat there disbelieving the words; he can feel all the color draining from his face while his heart rate and breathing start to rise.  
  
What? How? Who?  
  
Gen. No.  
  
Where was Jared? Where the fuck is Jared?  
  
His pulse continues to quicken and he swallows hard, eyes welling up as he looks back at the doctor.  
  
“I know this is difficult Mr. Ackles, if you need to me stop I will, we can wait for her family…” He pauses momentarily. “Or rather, for her parents to arrive?”  
  
Jensen shook his head and took a deep breath, rubbing his palms up and down his thighs, bracing himself. “No, please continue.”  
  
“We set two cracked ribs and tended to several contusions around her upper torso and neck. We were able to repair most of the damage to her cervix and uterus, but we had to remove one of her fallopian tubes and one of her ovaries.”  
  
The tears sting his face and for some odd reason with all that Jensen is hearing, learning, he thinks to himself that Doctor Kincaid has a very gentle delivery and at least Gen is in caring hands now. He tries to wipe at his face but the tears are undeterred.  
  
“We’ll have to wait until morning for her OBGYN to confirm, but she should still be able to carry a child to term in the future, if she wishes.” Dr. Kincaid smiles again, albeit faintly.  
  
Jensen is about to break, what the fuck had been going on, how did this happen?  
  
He looks around the waiting room to see if people are watching or worse listening.  
  
Thankfully the only other two people in the room are still asleep as they waited for news of their own loved ones. He doesn’t want strangers hearing these things about Gen, what had happened to her, what the doctors had done for, what things still await her.  
  
Too many thoughts are scrambling through Jensen’s brain. Doctor Kincaid’s soft eyes and pleasant manner, that his socks are still damp from running to the subway without an umbrella, then again to the airport terminal still without an umbrella; the awful artwork hanging on the walls, the nice upholstery on the chairs. Did he left his phone charger on the counter when he ran out of his apartment, the sausage pizza he had eaten hours ago with Andy after they had finished their midterms, it needed more pepper. Genevieve talking to him only two weeks earlier, she had seemed slightly off but then she laughed and asked instead about his studies and when he thought he would be coming home for a visit. He wanted to see her so bad, missed her so much but he hadn’t been sure seeing Jared would be a good thing, so instead he tried to convince her to come to him instead. “The shopping is so much better here.”  
  
He should have come home sooner; he’d already skipped Christmas having gone to Italy to ski instead. Then again, maybe he should never have left California in the first place.  
  
Doctor Kincaid interrupts his thoughts. “We’re going to keep her here a few days for observation. I’ve scheduled a counselor to come talk to her in the morning and the police will want to fill out a report as well. Results from a rape kit can only tell us so much, so if she can tell us what happened and who it was, we can do something about it. Unless you know?”  
  
Jensen is suddenly at attention. “No, no I don’t.”  
  
“Ok.” He nods and stands, Jensen following him. “She’s still in recovery, but we’ll be moving her into a private room soon. If you’d like to go home and you can come back in the morning?” Kincaid asked, seeming to already know the answer was no.  
  
“Can I wait? I’d like to see her.” Jensen pleads.  
  
Dr. Kincaid gives him a small smile. “Sure, it might be a couple more hours, but the nurse will let you know when they’ve moved her.” He puts a hand on Jensen’s shoulder and squeezes. “Her body will mend itself, but she’s going to need her family and friends to get through the rest of it.”  
  
“Thank you Doctor.” Jensen wants to reach forward and hug him, but sticks out his hand instead.  
  
“Get some rest, son.” He starts to walk away then turns back to Jensen. “Take care of her.”  
Jensen wants to cry all over again, he was supposed to have been taking care of her. He’d made a promise to her, just as he had to Jared, so many years ago._

  

_In the spring, just after Jensen turned eight years old, the Ackles and the Padaleckis left the sprawl of urban Texas for the Gold Coast of California. The Pacific Palisades to be exact, but all Jensen and Jared were concerned with is that they were still together and that their new home was close to the ocean, Universal Studios and Disneyland.  
  
They had spent the year attached at the hip, as much as they could. Their families joked they must have been conjoined twins separated at birth. They never got the joke, as Jensen was way older than Jared and it didn’t make sense.  
  
In as much as they understood, months before Alan Ackles and Gerry Padalecki had left their jobs and started their own business. They were working together all the time. Jensen and Jared’s moms were also together a lot, giving dinners and throwing parties. They must have all been separated at birth too. Either way it was fine with Jensen, because now he and Jared lived across the street from each other in their new homes and they could have sleepovers whenever they wanted, which was always.  
  
Jensen taught Jared everything he learned in school and Jared just soaked it up like a sponge.  
  
Whenever he got an answer right, like math or spelling, Jensen would give him a hi-five and Jared would smile so wide his dimples would sink in for miles. Often, whatever he made in school that day for arts and crafts, he’d make it for Jensen. Jensen would automatically put it up on his wall of bookshelves and Jared would grab his hand and squeeze it.  
  
“You really like it, Jinsin?” His drawl still forcing his E’s short.  
  
“Are you kidding, it’s great.” Jensen would squeeze his hand back. “Let’s go get a snack.”  
They’d run into the kitchen and rummage through the refrigerator and cabinets before they’d each pull out each other’s favorite treats.  
  
Most sleepover nights, they’d end up sharing the same bed having fallen asleep wherever exhaustion took over in their play. By morning Jensen would find Jared curled up under his arm and he didn’t mind it at all.  
  
When Jensen had to have his tonsils taken out Jared played nurse maid for a week, or as much as a five year old could. Donna would let him bring Jensen his Jell-O and juice and he would be constantly checking to make sure Jensen was feeling better and had enough comics and pillows.  
  
Jensen’s throat was still sore and he couldn’t read to Jared as was normal, so Jared took it upon himself to read to Jensen.  
  
“I know it’s a little kid’s book and we already read it lots but it’s the only one I can read all by myself.” Jared gave him a sheepish look but as soon as Jensen smiled and patted the bed Jared beamed and climbed up and got situated to read them Dr. Seuss.  
  
Jensen was nodding off but just before he fell asleep he felt the bed shift a bit and soft lips press against his cheek. He was instantly alert, eyes opening wide. He didn’t say anything, just looked towards Jared as he pulled back, cheeks flaming as though he thought he was getting caught stealing a cookie.  
  
“My mom always kisses me on the cheek when I don’t feel good. She says it makes me heal quicker.” His eyes start to well and he touches his mouth like he can take it back or wipe it away.  
  
Jensen takes his small hand and entwines their fingers; he’s just able to whisper. “I feel better already!”  
  
Jared’s chest puffs up and he squeezes his fingers tight with Jensen’s. “Great, I’m gonna go get you some more Jell-O and then we can watch Animaniacs.”  
  
That wasn’t to say that Jared couldn’t be also mischievous. He could get Jensen to do just about anything when he really wanted. Playing in their dad’s special cars and pretending to drive and smoke cigarettes. Feeding his brother Jeff’s dog peanut butter, just to hear the animal smack his tongue for hours.  
  
One weekend there were a bunch of people in Jared’s backyard, another party, and at this moment he wanted Jensen to go flip that little girl’s skirt up and make her scream.  
What happened instead was this.  
  
Jensen ran towards the little girl with the brown hair in pulled into pigtails and she turned abruptly and stuck her foot out, tripping him head first into the grass. Before he even knew what happened Jensen was on the grass looking up at clear blue sky and the little girl was standing over him with her hands on her hips.  
  
“Next time you want to tease someone make sure they can’t hear you.” She sneered.  
  
Jared ran over, eyes big and round, looking down at Jensen, then staring at the girl and looking around to see if anyone was paying them any attention. He went to pull Jensen up at the arm but Jensen shook him off and stood up, wiping the grass off his pants.  
  
They all just stood there looking at each other, not saying a word.  
  
Jensen figured as the tallest--so clearly the oldest and wisest of the group--he’d start.  
“I’m sorry.” He reached out to shake her hand, chewing his lip.  
  
Jared mumbled an apology too but still looked guilty, with his hands behind his back. It was his dumb idea after all.  
  
They stood there for another minute not saying anything, just sizing each other up.  
  
“Wanna go climb that tree?” The girl asked, squinting into the sun and pointing towards the far end of the yard.  
  
Jensen and Jared looked at each other just shrugged. “Ok.” Jensen said.  
  
They ran to the big tree in the corner of the Padaleckis yard that Sherry had transplanted from Texas. For the next few hours they played like they were already old friends, running back and forth from the tree to the pool and then back; they ran loops around the house, racing back to the tree, eating food when it was convenient, then back to the tree.  
  
Her name was Genevieve and her dad worked for Jensen and Jared’s, he was a lawyer. She was smaller than Jared but only a year younger than Jensen. For a small thing and a girl, she was tough; her boot having left a bruise on Jensen’s shin earlier, after she had told them no boy would ever see her panties. She had had denim shorts on under her flower print dress.  
  
Gen was as also just daring as they were, never complaining or backing down. By the end of the day, all three were sweaty, breaths heaving. Jensen had a hole in the knee of his pants, Jared was covered in dirt and grass stains and Gen had a pretty good scrape on her elbow that she had wiped blood and dirt off on Jared’s shirt earlier and kept going.  
  
“Maybe we can play again?” She smacked them both in the chest with the flat of her palm and walked straight between them towards her parents, skipping the last few feet into her mother’s embrace. She turned and waved back then stuck her tongue out at them.  
  
That night after baths; Jensen called Jared deciding that maybe they could add her to their group of two, because then they could be a gang of three. The next day they all made it official by spitting into their hands and shaking on it.  
  
After a few weeks they still couldn’t agree on a gang name, but since everyone always referred to them as The Three Amigos, they figured that was good enough._

  

Jensen shifts in the seat again, he‘s the only one left in the waiting room now and he isn’t leaving. He stretches out his legs and goes to look for a bathroom and some more coffee. He checks his voice mail and still nothing from Jared.  
  
He moves from the seat he’s been in since he got there and tries to get more comfortable on one of the sofas. It’s not much of an improvement but at least he can stretch out his legs. It’s no surprise, even with as annoyed as he currently is, that he thinks of Jared before he falls back to sleep.  
  
Jared sleeps _like a crazy person!_  
  
He starts out okay but by morning all the blankets on the bed are wrapped around his head which is buried in a mountain of pillows and his legs bare except for a sheet twisted around one.  
  
He’s a huggy sleeper, so he clings and cuddles and shifts.  
  
“But I sleep better with you Jen.” He’d say.  
  
Jensen would never admit it out loud, but he did too.


	2. All That Glitters

_Long days were spent in the California sunshine running around the neighborhood, the beaches and hills beyond their lavish homes. They came across other kids, every now and then, but had no time for them. They were totally insular and they liked it that way._  
  
_Jensen thought about Gen and Jared in ways he didn’t really understand or rather didn’t have the vocabulary for. He thought of himself as the elder statesmen of their crew. Being older, he was the one who introduced them to new things and told him about stuff he heard his brother or parents talking about. But he also knew when to protect them. They were his property, to guide, to encourage and to watch out for._  
  
_Genevieve was smart and calculating in a way that surprised Jensen, but she was also grounded. She loved horses and would drag them to her riding practice and events, every chance she got. Jensen and Jared would never admit it, but they liked it. They liked watching her up on those huge animals, legs barely settled into the stirrups with total command of the animal. She was graceful and patient. Seeing her ride and being around the stables was so different from their regular play, where she would be the first to tease either boy for being too chicken to jump off a boulder or chant Bloody Mary in the bathroom mirror until someone inevitably screamed and ran out._  
  
_Jensen already new Jared was made of sunshine and all the good stuff. After that first day on the Big Slide, all he could do was watch and marvel at the sheer force that was Jared. He was boisterous and funny, ready for any challenge, and he always wanted more. His face was always split into the biggest smiles, deep dimples that just screamed fun and love and yes._  
  
_Sometimes Jensen thought Jared was going to outpace him. A few years later he did._  
  
_He marveled at these kids, his best friends, his other halves…er thirds._  
  
_Even when Jensen went to junior high and the other two were still in elementary school, they never lost each other. Doting on each other when sick or sad or just because. Standing up for each other if someone tried to bully one of them; they made it clear that if you mess with one, two others were coming for you. The bumps and bruises of life were treated with hugs, jokes, candy, followed up with by puppy pile, movies and video games. The occasional kiss thrown in, when extra medicine was required._  
  
_Jared’s best traits grew with him, his goofiness, sweetness and smarts. Sometimes when Jensen was doing Intro to Algebra homework Jared would look on and see where Jensen was missing something and correct his math. Of course, when he wanted to ignore his own homework he’d pout and use that face that reminded Jensen of a lost puppy._  
  
_Gen would snort, not even looking up from her notebook as she was drawing, and stating matter of fact. “Don’t buy it Jen, you know what’s gonna happen.”_  
  
_Yeah, he knew, but he smiled back just the same and gave in, like he always did._  
  
_They loved each other._  
  
_They loved each other when Jared’s parents would fight and he’d cry. Gen would rub his back to soothe him and Jensen would dry the tears and try to think of something cool to distract him._  
  
_They loved each other when Gen’s older brother died and she wouldn’t leave her room, they just curled up together on her bed not saying a word all day._  
  
_They loved each other when Jensen got his first black eye after some jerk on the opposing soccer team called him a “pretty pretty girl” too many times and Jensen flew at him in a rage. The kid got one lucky hit before the coaches pried them apart. Genevieve kept changing his ice pack and Jared kept going on about how much Jensen kicked the guy’s ass, air boxing for effect._  
  
_“Besides,” Jared said, jumping up on Jensen’s bed, while he inspected the even more pronounced fullness of Jensen’s bottom lip with a magnifying glass “if anyone has earned the right to call you pretty, it’s us.”_  
  
_Gen started laughing as soon Jensen swung for Jared’s head and Jared tried to hide behind her, only to fall off then end of the bed with a thud._  
  
_Twenty minutes later out of breath, they made for the kitchen to eat all the ice cream the Ackles had._  
  
_Before they knew it, Gen had boobs and other curves, Jared’s voice was cracking and his clothes were shrinking rapidly. It was also when Jensen realized he liked boys, one boy in particular._  
  
_Jensen didn’t know what to do, this was never something he’d really thought of before and it was Jared, his best friend, practically a brother. As far as Jensen was concerned there was never a time that Jared wasn’t in his life._  
  
_Jared was his life._

 

 

_Feeling his face flush a deep red and swallowing a squawk Jensen cleared his throat. “You want me to what?”_  
  
_“I want you kiss me.” Jared repeated, his head lolling on Jensen’s shoulder. “My first kiss, Jensen, I want it to be you, please?”_  
  
_It had been a quiet afternoon, just the two of them on the sofa in the Great Room, watching Terminator for the eighth millionth time, and waiting for Gen to get back from riding._  
  
_“Jared I… why me?” His shock barely covering the fact that it’s everything Jensen’s wanted for months, years even, and now, it wasn’t only being handed to him on a silver platter, but Jared was practically begging him as well._  
  
_It had been going on for weeks now, Jared’s been even more touchy feely than usual, which for Jared, was over the top. Jensen couldn’t deny he liked it, but at the same time it was also like borderline slow death by water torture. With every lingering touch, every brush of Jared’s silky hair against his neck, soft whispers pressed to the shell of his ear, bump and graze of limbs; Jensen had had a constant semi-hard-on and there was nothing he could do about it. Jared was his best friend, the center of his world, the string that tugged at his heart. Not to mention the fact that Jensen himself was a teenager growing into his new body and every square inch was buzzing with hormones desperate to be sated. But Jared was still a child, by years anyway, the one he played with, guided, watched over, protected, the one who knew him better than anyone. He could hurt Jared, hurt them both, or all three of them, he can’t do it._  
  
_“Please Jen,” Jared begged, burrowing his head further in to the crook of Jensen’s neck, purring lips warm and ghosting over the sensitive skin under Jensen’s jaw. “Teach me? Make sure I do it right and everything?”_  
  
_Jensen shifts on the sofa to pull away but Jared uses the movement to his advantage and slides a leg over Jensen’s thigh, straddling his lap. He tries to slow his breath but Jared is right there pressing their foreheads together and squirming._  
  
_“Why aren’t you asking Genevieve?” Jensen pleads. “She’s a girl, that’s what you want, right?”_  
  
_“Nuh uh, you.” Jared pleads in return, trying to wrap his arms around Jensen’s shoulders._  
  
_He grips Jared’s arms to still his movement. “Are you sure?”_  
  
_Jared nods again. “I swear I am.”_  
  
_Jensen swallows hard, it’s both thrilling and terrifying, everything so right and so wrong, and he hates himself so much because wants it all. “Just, just once, ok?”_  
  
_Jared’s mouth splits into a smile that’s almost predatory._  
  
_Jensen licks his lips and Jared mirrors the action. He tilts Jared’s head just a bit, stroking a thumb across Jared’s cheekbone and Jared turns into the touch. Jared’s gaze is steady and electric. He’s so beautiful and strong; it amazes Jensen and scares him a little too. “Just one.”_  
  
_“Just one.” Jared whispers._  
  
_Jensen pulls him in and brings their lips together, soft and still, mouths pressed together warm and sweet. He just starts to notice that neither is breathing, then Jared starts to laugh, restrained giggles spilling from the corners of his mouth until he can’t keep it in and longer and sits up, booming laughter filling the air. That same bright sound that Jensen loves, but this time it hurts._  
  
_Jensen can feel the sting of blush crawling up his face. Fuck, he knows he shouldn’t have done this. It was a mistake. He should have known better, been stronger. He goes to swipe his hand across his face and his mouth, but Jared takes hold of his wrist._  
  
_“We need a do over.” Jared isn’t laughing anymore, his face soft again. “This time we need to breathe.”_  
  
_Jensen can feel sweat dripping down his back. His brain screaming no, no, no, just as much as it’s screaming yes, yes, yes._  
  
_He wraps his arms around Jared’s waist and draws him back in. It starts just as it had the first time, soft, timid, perfect .Then as Jensen’s tilting his head and pushing in a little more Jared’s mouth parts slightly. Jensen returns to movement. They take turns deepening the kiss, mirroring each other’s movements with new kisses until their tongues are mapping each other’s and all hesitancy is gone. What’s probably only a minute or two feels like forever and it isn’t perfect, it’s amazing._  
  
_Jared drops pulls back and drops his head to Jensen’s chest, Jensen’s drops his to the back of the sofa, both heaving and sucking oxygen in to their lungs._  
  
_“You’re always the best teacher, Jen… always.” Jared pants._  
  
_Jensen doesn’t know how to feel because that was the worst and best damn thing ever._  
  
_After that it was a series of firsts._

  
 *

Gen’s first date:   
  
Jared scoffs. “That’s not a name that’s a law firm.”  
  
“Well it doesn’t matter, he was a jerk and I’m never doing that again!” Gen all but yells.   
  
“Was it really that bad?” Jensen presses as she rips off the floral sundress dress that they all went bought for her to wear and changes into her jeans and a white tank top; Jared trying to stifle his laughter in the mound of pillows on the other end of her bed.  
  
She growls at them both and throws a heeled shoe at Jared’s head that Jensen catches before it can do any damage. “Yes, Jensen it was that bad.”   
  
“But you still got a free meal right?” Jared flings a scrunchy that Gen picks up off the floor and pulls around a ponytail on her head.  
  
“I don’t need free food that badly.” She sneers, shoving the dress into the bottom of her laundry basket.  
  
“Maybe you’ll feel better if you just tell us what happened.” Jensen says reaching for a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos off her nightstand. “Go on, purge.”  
  
She rolls her eyes, walks over and Jensen lets out a “hey” as she smacks the back of his hand, takes the bag from him and starts to chomp on chips herself.  
  
“Gavin Beckwith Simmons is a preppy douche who thinks he can do whatever he wants just because his father produces movies and his family is from Philadelphia.” She sits at the foot of the bed; legs crisscrossed and keeps eating and yelling. “I can’t believe I accepted a date from him in the first place.”   
  
Jared tries to go for the bag but she pulls the bag to her chest. “Get your own, Hoover.” She glares. “So his brother drops us off at Third Street Promenade and we walk over to Cheesecake Factory and he won’t shut up about the new movie his dad is making with Keanu Reeves on a bus, like who cares. He just keeps going on about him and his family and how much the car is he’s getting when he turns sixteen, blah blah blah.” She’s still chewing and talking so fast it’s like she’s running a race. “I’m half way through my Navajo Chicken sandwich when he finally says something to me.” She shoves two more chips into her mouth and crunches hard.   
  
“And you know what he says?” She looks pointedly at them both, neither responds.  
  
“Wow, you have a really big appetite for someone so small; most girls only get a salad. And he looks at me like I’m eating the entire table. I’m not Jared for crying out loud!” She scoffs.   
  
“HEY!” Jared protests, but then shrugs thinking she’s right.   
  
“Yeah.” Gen points. “So after that I make a point of getting desert because he can’t shut up about how much money his family has and I’m clearly a pig.” She gets up, tossing the now empty bag in the waste basket and wipes her hands on the bath towel handing from the door knob. “Then, when I think he’s finally going to shut up because the movie is about to start he keeps talking telling all kinds of movie tidbits from the previews we’re watching and slowly puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in. Let me tell you the amount of Drakkar Noir he was wearing made me want to vomit up my whole meal.”   
  
She keeps talking as she walks into to her attached bathroom and turns on the sink, returning a few moments later with a wash cloth, cleaning the make-up off her face. Her breathing is slowing down and she’s starting to quiet. Jensen looks at Jared quickly and back at her, his brow furrowing.   
  
“What happened Gen?” Jared says, his voice worried now.  
  
She pulls on a lose thread from the hem of her shirt and winds it around the tip of her index, blood locked in the tip turning deep purple until she lets it unravel and looks up at them . “He tried to make me give him a handjob. He said that’s what all the girls give him for having such a great time.”  
  
Jensen and Jared are both blanching, not knowing what to say, tongues caught in their throats.   
  
“He tried to stuff my hand down his pants.” She continues. “He had my other arm gripped so tight I thought he was going to crush it.” Her voice wavers a bit but then she takes a deep breath and it rises again, strong. “So I let him…then squeezed his nuts as hard as I could and screamed STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER and ran out with him on the floor grabbing his crotch in pain. I’m getting Oreos.” And she walked out of the room, easy as that.   
  
A few minutes later Jared and Jensen are standing in the kitchen arms wrapped her, letting her cry.   
  
The following Wednesday, Gavin Beckwith Simmons is sent home from the Nurse’s Office because his balls were on fire after gym.   
  
Jensen made sure to toss the plastic gloves and tube of liniment, trainers gave to the arthritic old horses, he and Jared had procured from the stables. 

*  
  
_Jared’s first girlfriend was no prize either but she came and went so quickly they had barely remembered her name a few months later._  
  
_Jensen’s first blow job was mind blowing, even if both of them had been virgins. Chris had been the only other kid in school that was openly gay at the time, so it made sense for them to practice on each other after lacrosse. And while he liked Chris as a friend and they got off together, a lot, a tiny little niggling voice in Jensen’s head would pretend late at night that it was Jared’s mouth or Jared’s hands that had given him those orgasms._  
  
_All that normal kid stuff._  
  
_It wasn’t until Jensen was into his freshman year of high school and Jared and Gen were still back in middle school that it really started to change. The high school was a few miles from the middle school which had shared the same campus as the elementary school. They were separated and they hated it. Jensen came home later than they did. He had more homework and was going to join the soccer team. Gen was riding more and Jared decided to give drama club a try. They could really only be together on the weekends, even though they still tried to a few three way calls during the week. Saturday afternoon to Sunday night was when they all felt safe and secure again._

 

 

Jensen startles and looks up, the nurse on duty just woke him to tell him he can go rest in the room they’ve moved Genevieve into. He looks at his watch, it’s four am. In this case they were going to overlook the standard Visiting Hours protocol.  
  
He walks down the hall following her to Gen’s room, his pulse quickens, waking him further with each step. He doesn’t know how he’s going to react. He’s already exhausted and these memories flooding him are making him incredibly sentimental and soft. He doesn’t want to see his best friend broken. He also doesn’t want to upset her any more than she probably already is if she‘s awake. Right now she needs more rest than he does.  
  
The nurse leads him into the room and goes to check her vitals and repositions a light blanket over her small frame a little better.  
  
“You can rest here until she wakes up.” She whispers, pointing Jensen to a recliner chair in the corner.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
He looks down at Gen. Her glossy brown hair swept under the gauze wrapped around her head, trying to cover a deep gash above her right eye. Her upper lip is swollen and the side of her face covered in mottled bruises. Jensen thinks halfheartedly that under any other circumstances she’d proudly claim the crown of best pair of kissers between them. Jensen had always thought the crown was hers anyway, despite what they all say about his mouth. She’s as pale as the bed sheets and it makes the marks at her throat and collar bone stand out, a vulgar unrightful claim . A sling holds her arm across her stomach and he’s sure the rest of her body tells the other part of events that brought him here.  
  
“Oh god, Peanut, I’m here now.” The whisper is barely audible, even to his ears. He lets his fingers graze the back of her knuckles, which also bear marks. He smiles for the briefest moment. “That’s my girl.”  
  
He’s going to kill whoever did this to her. It’s a promise.  
  
The nurse leaves him a blanket on the chair but he stays sitting on the edge of her bed.  
  
He may not have been there when he should have, but he’s here now and he isn’t leaving her again.

 

 

_“Come on man. Just take a hit. It’ll make the pain go away, I swear!” Chad insisted._  
  
_He wasn’t scared, he wasn’t, but this was opening a door he was at best, skeptical of._  
  
_As children of wealthy parents, all too often adults weren’t really paying attention to their kids other than to make sure they had plenty of clothes, cars, cash, all things their hearts desired, and a kitchen stocked with plenty of food readily available for teenage appetites prepared by a housekeeper, private chef or a good catering company. As opposed to the children of poor families who were called names like Latch Key kids and were pitied and ridiculed for not having everything the wealthy kids so often took for granted. Their lack of supervision wasn’t about parents who lived the Jet Set lifestyle; rather it was out of necessity. The parents of the lesser households both worked one if not two jobs and single parents had it even worse; trying to do as much for their children as they could. In a way these kids worked too, it couldn’t have been easy trying to learn, grow and befriend people when you were constantly surrounded by so much affluence that was not yours to partake in._  
  
_They never teased the kids that were on academic scholarship at their elite schools. The ones who ate everything on their lunch tray, even the gray meatloaf, because it may have been the only real meal of substance they had that day. They never made a point of befriending any of these kids, they knew it was better for them that way, but they were kind and tried to be helpful when they could. Rich kids were the worst kind of social snobs, teenagers with too much money, freedom and attitude at their disposal. Of course Jensen, Jared and Gen were rich kids too and they had all those things, but they didn’t like it when one of ‘their kind’ pushed, tripped or shouted obscenities at the poor kids. The fault wasn’t theirs. So when it was necessary they would stand up for them._  
  
_Jensen had pushed Mike Rosenbaum hard against the lockers after Rosey had tried to stuff Andrew Gallagher into the trash can in the quad. It took no more than a couple of minutes before the fight that ensued was broken up by a teacher and one of the school Proctors. But Jensen had been taken to the nurse anyway. It wasn’t that he didn’t or couldn’t fight back but someone in Rosey’s posse had grabbed him from behind and swiped his leg sending him to the ground after a he got a few punches in._  
  
_Rosenbaum took to opportunity to kick Jensen in the stomach twice when he was down. “Mind your own business faggot.” He sneered._  
  
_Jensen took every ounce of strength he could muster through winded gasps and kicked Rosenbaums knee as hard as he could toppling the asshole onto the ground himself. “You’re trash Rosenbaum.”_  
  
_He stood up slowly still holding his stomach and was about to kick him again when it was busted up._  
  
_“Mister Ackles?” Mr. Sawyer demanded, having grabbed Jensen by the shoulder._  
  
_Danneel Harris had all but hollered over the noise of the audience. “Rosenbaum had it coming to him, sir!” Her mouth was perfectly pink and puckered into a satisfied smirk._  
  
_When Jensen slowly made his way out of the nurse’s office she was waiting. Danneel was what most guys his age considered a wet dream. Long legs and raven hair, she was pretty, headstrong and knew how to work Victoria’s Secret to her advantage. Jensen wasn’t interested. Ugly names aside, Mike wasn’t lying, Jensen was gay and he had no problem with anyone knowing it. His family and friends were supportive and it was LA, land of liberals._  
  
_“Come on, I’ll get you an ice pack for your hand and a little something else for the rest.” She cooed, sliding her arm under his._  
  
_Danneel was a sophomore and already had her license and a car, it wasn’t out of the ordinary. She drove him back to her house in a candle apple red BMW sport with the top down, despite his protestations and just wanting to go back to class._  
  
_As they were pulling out of the school parking lot, Chad Murray knocked on the car window making Jensen jump and his stomach muscles spasm again, he felt nauseous._  
  
_“Get your ass in here!” Danneel cheered._  
  
_Chad jumped into the back seat like he was Bo or Luke Duke, just not as hot in Jensen’s opinion._  
  
_“What’s going on youngsters?” He pushed up between the seats, hands slapping out a rhythm on the center console._  
  
_“Well Ackles here kicked Rosey’s much deserving ass and we were just going to celebrate with some crushed ice and a little muscle relaxant.” Danneel winked at him._  
  
_“Sweet, that douche had it coming.” Chad whooped. “Give me five dude.”_  
  
_Jensen returned the gesture and they were on their way. She turned the music up so loud, there was no point in talking. Danneel had made a few gestures to Chad, who was rubbing a bar of wax on the underside of his skateboard and he gave a thumbs up and shouted ‘fuck yeah’ over the din of the radio._  
  
_Jensen didn’t know what was going on, for sure, but he was starting to see where it could be going._  
  
_Danneel lived in a postmodern Frank Gehry designed house in Venice Beach. It was all gray metal, hard edges and filled with harder art. It was so counter to the remnants of Louisiana lilt her voice still carried, but who was he to judge, he wasn’t a native Angeleno either._  
_At the top of the metal staircase was an enormous painting of a half-naked woman with cold eyes and a red lips. Jensen recognized the artist, Nagel; his brother had a print in his bedroom. The woman seemed almost familiar and he wanted to look at it closer, trying not leer at her exposed breast._  
  
_“Ugh. My mother, he was a fan.” Danneel dismisses it and coaxes Jensen to her room._  
  
_Chad is already sitting on her bed pulling things out of a small bag inside his backpack._  
  
_There are clothes of all manner and color strewn around the wall to wall pink room. The walls, bedding, chairs, and rugs were all the same shade of Pepto-Bismol pink. There were a couple of glossy black end tables and dozens of glossy black frames, filled with pictures of Danneel. There were baby pictures, birthday pictures, candid’s, posed, some of Danneel with a few actors and musicians he recognized, and even a few that appeared to be in a club or a bar. Over the bed are four large framed copies of the exact same image of Danneel, each with a different color and style of Andy Warhol pop art. There’s an obnoxious chair in the shape of a giant hand facing the balcony. The ocean breeze is drifting through gauzy white curtains just inside the sliding windows, filling his lungs with the heady scent of sea water and the promise of summer._  
  
_“Have a seat dude, promise we won’t bite.” Chad says laying out rolling papers, a grinder and a bag of weed. “This stuff’ll fix you right up.”_  
  
_Jensen’s older brother Josh and Jeff Padalecki smoke when their parents are away. So wasn’t the first time Jensen had seen the stuff, but he’s never actually smoked it before. It had never been offered before now._  
  
_Looking for a suitable pace to sit, Danneel comes into the room just then and tells him to sit up on her bed and she hands Chad then him a cold beer and a large ice pack. He’s had alcohol before, a few times, another perk of minimal supervision. Lucy, the Ackles housekeeper, doesn’t really pay attention to what the kids do as long as the rest of the house stays clean for Mrs. Ackles._  
  
_Jensen hesitates for a second, because getting semi drunk at home with Gen and Jared is not the same thing as having a beer at a stranger’s house during the school week, much less during school hours. But she nudges the sweating bottle towards him again and he figures one can’t hurt._  
  
_“So Jensen, how did it feel to hit that sonuvabitch?” Danneel’s eyes glimmer with glee and venom._  
  
_“Fine I guess.” He takes a long pull from the bottle and chokes a little, clutching his stomach to mask the screwed up pucker on his face from the bitter liquid._  
  
_“Fine…fine, he says.” Danneel drapes herself across the bed like the diva in training she clearly is, her head coming to rest on Jensen’s thigh._  
  
_Jensen is about to elaborate a little bit more, for her benefit, but then and small crank and inhale sounds, Chad is inhales deep, then holds the joint out to Danneel._  
  
_“Guest’s first. Where are your manners, Chadly?” She sits up then and takes the proffered cigarette and hands it to Jensen._  
  
_He remembers how Josh did it and tries not to look too innocent. But he sucks at it a little too hard and immediately starts to choke and cough the smoke back out._  
  
_Chad laughs and Danneel glares at him and then smoothes her hand in circles over Jensen’s back._  
  
_“It’s ok. We all did it the first time.” She takes the still lit joint from Jensen and smokes it while continuing to rub his back, then hands it back to Murray._  
  
_They pass it around again and then Jensen feels it. His world shifts into a lower gear, not quite hazy, like when you sleep too long while taking a nap in the sun, but then when his eyes adjust everything around him seems sharper. Jensen looks around and tries to process the events of the last two hours and how he skipped school and ended up here. After he thinks he may have also had a few life epiphanies._  
  
_When he gets home hours later, he eats whatever he can find in the fridge he calls Jared to tell him all about it._

 

 

“Jensen?” It’s a cracked whisper but he knows that voice anywhere. “Jen?”  
  
Jensen pops out of the chair and rushes to her side, holding onto her free hand. “Hey, Peanut.”  
  
“You haven’t called me that in years.” She says, still groggy, her eyelids heavy with pain killers and sedation.  
  
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. But I’m here now.” Jensen kisses her forehead.  
  
She tries to adjust herself on the hospital bed and grimaces in pain. There are tubes and IV’s everywhere and it’s too much. She lets go and collapses back onto the bed.  
  
Jensen holds onto her good hand, refusing to let go and tries with the other to readjust her pillow and blankets. “Better?”  
  
“Mmm hmm.” It’s barely a sound and she nods slightly.  
  
He strokes her hair away from her face and just watches as she comes to. He sees the moment in her face when everything comes back. She takes deep gulps of air, her chest rising and falling rapidly.  
  
She looks him in the eyes and he tries, really tries, to give her a brave face, but this is Gen and all the emotions racing through both of them break his heart. His effort to stone his features and give her a smile fails miserably. She’s always been able to read him.  
  
They are both crying, for so many reasons, not just the one that reunited them.  
  
“I’m so so sorry.” He repeats over and over again.  
  
They hold onto each other as tightly as they can, given her shoulder in the sling and all the tubes and IV’s strewn about.  
  
They stay like that for several minutes, the breaths and tears slowly abating, and then Jensen pulls back just enough to look her in the eyes. Jensen wants to ask the question, who? But it’s also the last thing he wants to do. They share a wordless conversation. He won’t push, not yet. She’ll tell him when she’s ready to tell him, or anyone for that matter.  
  
He cups her cheek softly and lets her cry again. His does the same, eyes burning from the salt and grittiness of his contacts.  
  
It’s awhile before the crying stops again.  
  
Gen takes a deep breath and Jensen can feel her steel herself.  
  
“Do they have any decent coffee in this place?” She says, wiping her face in the crook of Jensen’s shoulder.  
  
“I won’t lie. But I’ll see if they can get you some tea. That ok?” He pulls back; thumb stroking under her unbruised eye.  
  
“Yeah, that’d be good.” She sniffles again. “I’m glad you’re home Chief.”  
  
Jensen gives her a wan smile and steps towards the door.  
  
It takes him less than two minute but feels like he has to rush back to her side, especially now that she’s awake. “The nurse is going to get us some tea.”  
  
They fall into a comfortable silence. Then Jensen gets up to get two washcloths from the bathroom and runs them under warm water. He sits on the edge of the bed softly and slowly wipes away dried tears and traces of blood around her face where he can.  
  
“That feels good, thank you.” She whispers after a few minutes through a small yawn.  
  
“If you’re nice to me, maybe I’ll rub your feet too.” He smiles and squeezes her leg lightly.  
  
“Rub my feet Ackles.” She demands, a pretty pout on her mouth, that’s the Gen he knows.  
  
The nurse comes in with two cups of tea and sets them on the tray table next to the bed.  
“How are you doing Miss Cortese?” She asks as she checks Gen’s vitals.  
  
“I feel as good as I look I’m sure.” Gen says, voice steady but eyes wavering.  
  
“Well Doctor Kincaid will be in shortly to talk to you.” The nurse looks at her with kind eyes as she pumps up the blood pressure cuff and counts. “Let him know if you’re in any excessive pain.”  
  
She’s writing her findings on Gen’s chart and Gen gives Jensen a ‘duh” look. Jensen can read that as ‘Fuck yeah I’m in excessive pain, just look at me’.  
  
He settles down by her feet and starts to rub her left foot first. She moans with pleasure when he works his knuckle into the arch of her foot.  
  
“That’s what you get for wearing such high heels.” He teases, grinding it in a little deeper and flexing her toes back.  
  
“But they are so pretty.” She giggles. “Besides, if you assholes weren’t so tall I wouldn’t have too.”  
  
Jensen starts to laugh and say something but he sees her eyes suddenly darken and she looks towards the window. He keeps rubbing her feet and doesn’t say a word. When she finally looks back at him the look she gives says ‘not yet, ok’. He starts on her right foot.  
  
She finishes her tea and starts do doze so Jensen wraps the sheets and blanket back under her feet and tucks them in around her legs.  
  
“I’m gonna let you get some more sleep and I’ll be back soon, ok.” Jensen says, just above a whisper she just nods, her eyes closed. He bends down and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Helps make you heal quicker.”  
  
Her eyes open then, dark and watery, but she doesn’t say anything.  
  
He squeezes her hand one more time. “I love you.”  
  
“Me too.” She closes her eyes to sleep.  
  
He’s going to let her rest and come back in a few hours, her parents should be here by then.


	3. All That Glitters

_Jensen is hanging out with Danneel and Chad more and more and it takes a couple of weeks before he comes clean to Jared and Gen about what he’s been up to.  
  
He tells them all about the first time they got him stoned and the subsequent times since then. He didn’t want to make it a secret but they are younger and he wasn’t sure if he wanted them to know about it. This wasn’t like sneaking beers into his room and getting semi drunk taking nips of liquor from their parents bar.  
  
They aren’t mad, it is LA after all.  
  
“Big deal Chief. It’s not like we’ve never heard of it and Josh and Jeff, hello?” Gen chides.  
  
“Ok, cool. It’s not like I was trying to replace you guys or anything.” He was pretty sure the actual use of real drugs wasn’t going to be the biggest problem, but they are younger than him so.  
  
“Why would you even want to?” Jared admonishes. “It’s not like were kids.” He knocks Gen in the arm and on cue they both make funny faces, puffed out cheeks and cross eyes. Jared even goes to so far as to stick a finger in his nose, Gen follows him and sticks her finger in his nose too.  
  
Jensen lets out a bark of a laugh. “Yeah right, so mature.”  
  
“We know there are going to be things you do before us and that’s ok, we’ll get there when we get there. Just promise us, no more secrets.” Jared gives him the puppy eyes but he’s also dead serious.  
  
“No more secrets. I promise.” Jensen means what he says, but he knows there’s one he has to keep.  
  
Even if he is in love with Jared, even if he knows Jared wouldn’t have a problem with it, Jensen doesn’t want to force his hand and make him feel obligated to return the feelings. Jared hasn’t made any notions towards being gay or bisexual, he’s dates girls, but he also wanted Jensen to be his first kiss and he sort of made out with Jensen. Jensen knows he has to be the bigger person and let Jared find his own way, whatever that is. Even with guaranteed heartbreak, Jensen will sacrifice that because Jared is still his best friend and his family.  
  
No secrets.  
  
I Promise.  
  
No secrets.  
  
Later that night when Jared goes to a Chess match, Jensen tells Genevieve all about his feelings for Jared and she promises not to say anything.  
  
“Since we’re being all honest right now and baring our deepest feelings.” Gen’s cheeks pink up. “Tell me about Chad.”  
  
“Chad? Really?” Jensen laughs and she punches him in the arm.  
  
“I mean yeah, he’s a total stoner and stuff, but come on so are you.” Jensen punches her back. “He’s Hot little beach bum, so why not?” She pleads.  
  
“You don’t think he’s too squinty?” Jensen teases.  
  
“Shut up.” She’s rears back and grabs a pillow and swings at his head. “At least my boyfriend isn’t a Chess geek.”  
  
Jensen gets the pillow away from her and pretends to smother her. They tussle then relax back into the bed shoulder to shoulder, catching their breath and staring at the stars painted on her ceiling.  
  
“Boys suck.” Jensen sighs.  
  
“You’d know!” Gen laughs.  
  
Jensen elbows her in the side, teasingly. “Shut up.”  
  
That summer, Jensen teaches Gen and Jared how to smoke pot, by letting them take a few tokes from a pinner. After a few more times, cloistered in one of their rooms, they get a handle on it and Jensen thinks it’s okay after that to let them come with him to a few parties at Danneel’s place. Jared is so loose and relaxed that he makes out with Jensen and Jensen lets him. Partially because he knows it’s safer than letting Jared just find the closest willing body at a house party full of strangers. Jensen won’t admit what it does to him, but he never refuses Jared, despite the fact that he knows should for his own sanity. The looks Gen gives him from time to time don’t go unnoticed._

 

 

Jensen drives to Genevieve’s loft in Venice Beach and looks around. Most of the place looks normal; there are a couple of glasses of wine and empty beer bottles on the coffee table in front of the leather sofa and he takes them into the kitchen, depositing them in the sink. The fridge is practically empty save for some leftovers, two bottles of champagne, a half empty carton of milk, butter, condiments and some produce in the drawers.  
  
Nothing really looks out of place, her riding boots are by the patio door, and there is some attack sitting just outside on a bench. It’s not until he goes into her room that he sees it and he feels sick instantly.  
  
The bed is in shambles, sheets strewn all over, blood stains drying to dark brown. Clothes are scattered on the floor, which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary any other time, but leans down to pick up her shirt and it’s torn at the neck and a few of the buttons are missing.  
His blood is boiling and he wants to vomit.  
  
There are wrappers and bloodied gauze from where the paramedics must have worked on her when they first arrived, making a trail leading into the bathroom. When he turns on the light it’s a horror movie come to life right in front of his eyes. More blood, more soiled gauze and towels, there’s even a smeared hand print on the basin of the sink. He’s living a nightmare and he feels guilty because he can’t even imagine what it was like for her.  
His sits on the edge of the bathtub and puts his head between his legs, trying to catch his breath, tears having started up again.  
  
After several long minutes, he stands and reaches for the wastebasket. He finds some cleaning supplies under the sink and starts to get things back to normal.  
  
He starts with the mess in the bathroom, throwing out two waste baskets of stained towels and medical wrappings from the paramedics and even mopping the floor. He avoids looking at his face when he cleans the mirror above the sink.  
  
He heads into the kitchen to look for a larger trash bag and sees a jacket on one of the barstools that he knows doesn’t belong the Jared. The pockets are empty, so he puts it in a paper grocery bag and leaves it by the door for the police or something.  
  
When he strips the bed of all the linens and adds her clothes to the pile he just looks at it and shakes his head. He he’d burn them if could but instead decides to throw out them out. He checks his watch and it’s almost ten a.m.  
  
He decides to drive over to Montana Avenue to get her all new sheets and a comforter from Rachel Ashwell. A little over an hour later he’s remaking her bed with the new linens and some other blankets and pillow cases in a floral print she has in her linen closet. The bed looks sumptuous again and more importantly pristine. Then he lights a pleasant smelling candle he bought and opens the windows in her room to air it out.  
  
Jensen also manages to clean the rest of place up a bit as well, dusting and vacuuming, he cleans the dishes in the sink and gets rid of the old food cartons. He thinks about going to get some groceries for her fridge, but he doesn’t know when they are going to release her.  
Once he’s done he calls Jared again. No answer. He leaves another message, angry now, “Jared where the fuck are you? You need to call me right away. It’s Gen.”  
  
With nothing else he can do now, he goes to his parent’s house to shower and change.  
  
He’s stripping out of his clothes and looking around his room at all the small treasures and pictures of his former self, Jared and Gen. Their little posse.  
  
He’s in the shower when Jared calls him back.  
  
The message Jared leaves on Jensen’s phone sounds like it’s just the best day Jared’s ever had and he says can’t wait to see Jensen and fuck him senseless. He and Chad are out in Palm Springs, but he’ll be back tonight.  
  
He clearly doesn’t know about Gen.  
  
Jensen decides to go see Danneel, see if she may know who the jacket belongs to.

 

 

 _Gen has a crush an epic crush on Chad, but Chad is too oblivious between hits of weed and the surf report. Danneel is hooking up with a married professor at UCLA and has added a more glamourous substance to her rotation, only because it keeps her skinny, she insists. Jared and Jensen are now connoisseurs of marijuana and bad movies. They’ve all become the typical LA rich kid._  
  
_None of that changes the fact the Jensen is still in love with his best friend. When Jensen thinks of Jared he thinks crazy things like Jared is a brilliant star that burns hot and fast. There is just no way to describe him without using overly romantic notions and flowery prose. Jared is amazing. The little boy that raced with him down the big slide has grown into this wonderful giant thing. Aside from the physical aspect of Jared, which is practically perfect, he has these long long legs, growing past Jensen when he was a freshman. Muscles that are so strong and lithe, Jensen loves it when Jared throws himself over Jensen, which Jared does just about always. Jared’s even great on the football field, that body, able and sure catching the ball and running for miles._  
  
_His too long hair is always in his face covering the most beautiful pair of eyes Jensen’s even seen. Most people always comment on ‘Jensen’s Grass Green eyes’ and how startlingly bright they can be, but Jensen always thought these people were stupid to not have noticed Jared’s. If you held a marble up to the sun and rolled it in between your thumb and forefinger to catch the different bands of green, blue, gold and brown you could maybe understand what it was to look into Jared’s eyes. None of the other Padaleckis have the same colors in there’s. Gerry and Megan carry the blues, Jeff and Sherry’s are brown. Jensen figures Jared got both plus that bit of blue, just because he was so mischievous._  
  
_That’s even before you get to that blinding wide smile and the dimples that are the icing on the cake. Jared’s smile, like his eyes, can be so many different things at once, it’s endlessly fascinating for Jensen and it just makes him want to return every single one, even when he’s annoyed with Jared. Jensen won’t think too much about the pink of his lips or the high hitched up curve of his ass, because that just sends Jensen’s mind wandering into fantasies he shouldn’t be having about his best friend and practical brother._  
  
_What he will allow himself to think of is the booming laugh that can be heard across crowds of people. Not in an obnoxious way, but in a genuine happiness and openness he wants to share with people and everyone loves him for it. Just like his sense of humor and when he isn’t being goofy, his brain. Jared is smart in so many ways. He’s street smart from growing up quickly with older friends but also book smart. He’s addicted to the written word, always with a book or news magazine somewhere on his person, always reading and telling, teaching, Jensen about all these things he reads about. It can be science, poetry, politics or inane trivia about the creator of the Rubik’s Cube. Jensen may love that most. But then his Jared list changes all the time._  
  
_Special, it doesn’t do him justice, but it’s what he is._  
  
_Jensen never thought of himself as weak, he isn’t, but Jared is strong. Not just in a “he can bench press two hundred pounds” kind of way. But his whole person is strong, stronger than Jensen. He has been able to take things on easily and work through them. Strength of mind, body and soul, fortitude, Jared is all these things and so much more._  
  
_Jensen is so in love with him it hurts._  
  
_Its summer between Jensen’s junior and senior year and him and Jared are stoned. Not at all unusual, it’s summer and they have nothing else to do but swim, surf and get high. Jared is going to be a sophomore in the fall and he just spent the last year growing like a weed, everywhere. For a while his hips and knees hurt from growing so fast._  
  
_Him and Jared sitting in Megan’s room with the balcony doors wide open, the curtains blowing all over the place from the ocean breeze coming through. Gen invited her and Mackenzie to go out to Malibu Canyon and ride the horses. The house is empty and Megan does have the best view of the ocean, the brat Jared thinks._  
  
_There’s a pizza box on the floor with two pieces left that Jensen knows Jared will eventually eat, just because it’s there. Their legs are dangling out the opening of the doors and their torsos are inside on the carpet. Jared had stepped on Jensen’s Raybans and he doesn’t want to go blind in the sun so this is working for them, for now._  
  
_Jared’s fingers are playing with the hem on Jensen’s shorts and Jensen is concentrating on keeping his dick from taking notice while he sun and the concrete warms his legs. His eyes are closed but he can feel Jared roll onto his side and lean over him. He starts to kiss Jensen’s neck and Jensen throat lets out a small moan._  
  
_“What are you doing?” He questions. This is the third time, maybe fourth, time Jared has made out with him. He hasn’t been counting he tells himself, but he really has._  
  
_Their first kiss, that time they got drunk on too many rum and cokes, and after they had watched soft core porn and Gen having fallen asleep on the other end of the sectional. It was really late and they were horny and half asleep._  
  
_But this is different and Jensen can already tell, it’s not just because Jared’s stoned. He knows for sure there’s intent when Jared slides a hand down and palms Jensen’s dick. Jensen halts his hand but not before he can feel the smile on Jared’s mouth, he was half hard already. “Jay?”_  
  
_“Come on Jensen, I’ll be good, I promise.” He goes back to stroking Jensen over his shorts and licking into his mouth again._  
  
_“Jared, this isn’t a good idea.” He sits up and crosses his legs._

  
_“Why not?” Jared pouts._  
  
_“You know why not. No Jared.” Jensen has wanted this to happen just as much as he’s trying to avoid thinking about it._  
  
_Jared leans his forehead into Jensen’s shoulder. “Jensen you don’t have to say it, but I know, ok.”_  
  
_“You know what?” He pulls back and his stomach lurches. It’s everything and his nightmare._  
  
_“I want it Jen, I want to give this to you. I want you to have it.” Jared takes Jensen’s hand into his, then moves them onto his cock. “You want it right?”_  
  
_Of course Jensen wants it, but he knows better. He makes the mistake of looking Jared in the eyes and he sees love there as much as want and hunger. Jared licks his perfect pink mouth and squeezes Jensen palm against his filling cock and Jensen loses his resolve. “You sure you want this?”_  
  
_Jared just hmms into his mouth and kisses him. “Fuck me Jensen, I want you to.”_  
  
_It all feels too good, the mellow thrum under his skin and the heat of Jared on him. Jared rolls him back onto floor and lies on top of him. They are chest to chest, skin on skin and it feels like nothing Jensen’s ever felt before. The other guys meant nothing to him, just a means for experimentation and release._  
  
_Jared starts to grind his hips into Jensen’s and Jensen follows suit. They kiss and rut against each other lazily, they have time. No need to rush it and Jensen wants to make this good for Jared. Jared starts to kiss down his neck and inches his way down his chest taking one nipple into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue. Heat shoots straight to Jensen’s dick and he hisses with pleasure, Jared is strong._  
  
_Jensen runs his fingers through Jared’s messy hair as Jared laves over his other nipple and grinds their cocks together harder. “God Jared, yes.”_  
  
_Jared pulls off, sits back on his haunches and starts to pull the tie loose on Jensen’s shorts. “Get these off, I wanna see you.” He’s breathless, sweaty and the sexiest thing Jensen has ever seen._  
  
_“I want to see you too.” Jensen let’s out handles fumbling around Jared’s trying to unbutton his shorts._  
  
_They both shift out of their shorts and Jensen halts suddenly. “Wait?_  
  
_Jared makes a small puzzled and irritated squeak._  
  
_“Are we gonna do this on the floor? In your little sister’s bedroom?” Jensen asks, suddenly feeling bashful._  
  
_“Umm, yeah I guess unless you want to do it on her bead?”_  
  
_“Jared, we can’t. Your bedroom.” He starts to get up and Jared follows._  
  
_They are standing there in the doorway, sunlight and white diaphanous curtains blowing around them and this is the first time they are really looking and seeing each other naked. It’s nothing like changing clothes or jumping into the pool naked in the middle of the night in front of the other. There is a real purpose for it._  
  
_They both study each other, the lines of muscle, trails of hair, marks of old scars. They almost get lost in it, the weed still very present in their systems. When they finally look each other in the eyes the immediately start laughing. Along with just being naked they are both sporting huge hard on’s and it’s kind of ridiculous._  
  
_Neither knowing who should make the first move, they move into each and hug. Both quickly realize it’s the dumbest thing ever and the laugh again until Jared ducks down a bit and tilts his up to catch Jensen’s lips again with his. They keep kissing and try to make it out of the room but they are both all limbs and bad coordination and Jensen’s huffs._  
  
_“Forget what I said before, get on the bed.” He pushes Jared by the hips onto the edge of her bed._  
  
_He’s above Jared now and Jared just looks up at him with so much love, this is happening, all his dreams are coming true. Jensen tries to ignore the small pattern of lavender roses on the bedding and focus on Jared. His face, his body, he wants it all and needs it now but he also wants to make sure he takes all of it in._  
  
_Jared places his hands on Jensen’s hips and it’s only then that he realizes the position they are in._  
  
_“May I?” Jared asks, cheeks blushing and mouth falling into an ‘O’._  
  
_“You’ve never?” Jensen asks._  
  
_“No, but I think I can figure it out.” Jared says, pulling him in at the hips._  
  
_His tongue snakes out and collects the precome pooling at the head of Jensen’s dick. He laps at it and makes a pleased hum. “Tastes good, you’re sweet.”_  
  
_But before Jensen can make some kind of reply, Jared winks up at him and closes his mouth down around the head and sinks down._  
  
_“Oh fuck, oh fuck, Jared, Christ.” Jensen takes in quick gulps of air and his chest stutters. “Jesus.”_  
  
_His body shivers at the juxtaposition of cool ocean breeze on his skin and the moist heat of Jared’s mouth on his cock._  
  
_Jared pulls back and sinks back down finding a rhythm and Jensen picks it up and works with him. His breathing is a staccato beat making his head dizzy and legs ready to buckle. He looking up at the ceiling focusing on not coming before anything else can happen. He can hear the soft noises and wet skin and sucking and grips Jared’s hair to steady himself. When he looks down Jared is looking at him for confirmation that it’s good. His pink lips are dark and wet wrapped around him and his eyes are sparkling with the light shining from the patio. Jensen lets out a groan and Jared smiles and lowers his lashes and sucks harder and faster._  
  
_“Sonuvabitch, do that again.” Jensen begs._  
  
_And Jared does, several times. He sinks down to the base of Jensen’s cock and sucks hard and he pulls back and the sensation is sending off sparks behind Jensen’s closed eyes. His balls are getting heavier and Jensen has to pull him off before he comes down Jared’s throat._  
  
_“Ok?” Jared asks, his facing racing between worry and knowing how much Jensen is enjoying it._  
  
_“Yes, very ok.” Jensen takes a step back and squeezes the base of his dick and bends his knees just enough to tug on his balls and get under control._  
  
_As soon as he’s sure he’s ready, he looks up to see that Jared is leaned back on an arm and stroking himself. Jesus Christ, his dick jumps again at the sight. He’s about to fuck his best friend. The boy he’s been in love with for years._  
  
_“Wallet?” Jensen asks and Jared jerks his chin towards the other corner of the bed._  
  
_Jensen steps over and grabs the condom he has in it. He always feel cheesy and stupid for keeping one in there but right now, he’s nothing but grateful. He remembers then he doesn’t have lube and looks around, patting his thighs and butt like he’s checking his pockets._  
_“What is it?” Jared asks, still stroking and panting._  
  
_“I don’t carry lube on me and you’re gonna be tight.” Jensen’s eyebrows scrunch up as he looks around for something that might be useful but it’s a little girl’s room. This looks like it’s going to be over before it begins._  
  
_“Jeff’s room. The second drawer down on his nightstand, hurry.” Jared drops back on the bed huffing out a laugh._  
  
_Jensen walks as fast as he can across the hallway into Jeff’s room and straight were Jared told him it would be. It’s there, and Jensen thinks fucking Jared, figures. He knows the house is empty but he is running around naked with a hard on, it’s kind of ridiculous._  
  
_He gets back into Megan’s room and shuts the door. Just as a precaution._  
  
_He throws the bottle and condom on the bed and leans over Jared. “Kiss me.”_  
  
_Jared sits up and does just that. Their laughs melt into soft moans._  
  
_Jensen motions Jared to scoot further up the bed and he crawls up onto it. “Spread your legs.”_  
  
_Jared does just that and he’s beautiful, totally exposed and there with and for Jensen. “Ready.”_  
  
_Jensen pops the cap of the bottle and pours some slick over his fingers and gets them well coated. The last thing he wants to do is hurt Jared. He settles his hand just behind Jared’s balls and kisses him again until his fingers are warm again and Jared is relaxed. He rubs and strokes softly over Jared’s hole and when he feels the muscles loosen up a bit he slides his middle finger into Jared down to the first knuckles. He checks Jared’s face for any sign of pain or discomfort. There is none and he pulls it out then in again down to the base of his hand. Jared not only takes it his moves his hips to get more friction. Strong. They kiss again and Jensen fucks his finger in and out and when Jared makes another needy little moan adds another finger. It’s tighter and hotter; Jared only makes a slight wince adjusting to the slight pinch and fullness in his ass._  
  
_“Okay?” Jensen asks looking down at where his index and middle finger are plunging in and out of Jared._  
  
_“Better.” Jared huffs, his stomach muscles clenching and releasing as he grind down onto them. “So much better than ok.”_  
  
_Jensen keeps going and takes the time to lick and suck on Jared’s nipples, peaked in tight buds._  
  
_A few minutes later after Jensen adds a third finger, Jared starts circling his hips. “Now Jensen, I’m ready.”_  
  
_They both are ready, so ready. Jensen sits up and as he gets the condom on and add lube, Jared spreads his legs further and drops his fingers down and feels around the contracting openness of his hole. He’s fascinated. They both are._  
  
_“Jesus Jared.” Jensen is just in awe and Jared looks up, a puppy face and it’s crazy how much Jensen wants this._  
  
_Jensen leans down and lines up, looking Jared in the eyes for one more look of approval. Jared gives it to him and bites his lower lip. Jensen pushes in slow, the head of his cock breaching Jared’s hole. Jared takes in a deep breath and nods again. Jensen sinks in slower all the way to the hilt and pauses. Jared is so hot and it’s all too much and not enough._

 _“Go Jen, go.” Jared breathes._  
  
_“I love you.” Jensen says, he doesn’t mean to be sentimental but he does and he knows Jared does to._  
  
_He pulls back to the tip and sinks down again a little faster, Jared take it and pulls his legs up to wrap around Jensen’s hips. Two, three more times and Jensen builds into a rhythm, rocking his hips in and out of Jared. It’s perfect, Jared is perfect. His speed increases and he can feel the heat low in his belly. The kiss as best as they can with the frantic pace. Jared’s breathing harder and Jensen knows he’s getting close to by the way he’s clenching around Jensen. Jensen slides his arms under Jared’s shoulders and pulls him in tighter to his chest. There is no space between them and the heat is rocketing higher and higher. This. Yes. It’s everything!_  
  
_Jared is the first to come and he yells and bears downs on Jensen even tighter. The sight and sensations send Jensen over the edge and he shoots harder than he ever has into the condom and he keeps the pace fucking him and Jared through it._  
  
_He starts to slow and Jared’s legs drop back down to the bed. Jensen stills, his dick still inside Jared and lays there while they catch their breath. After a couple of minutes Jared stretches his arms over his head and the movement tugs on Jensen’s soft cock still inside him. Jensen hisses slightly and shifts so he can hold the condom and pull out slowly._  
  
_There’s a box of tissue on Megan’s night stand and he makes quick work of the used condom and wipes himself off a bit, and then collapses back on Jared._  
  
_“You ok?” He asks Jared’s collar bone._  
  
_Jared lets out a large yawn and stretches his whole body, with Jensen on top of him._

  
_“I’m perfect.” He flexes his fingers then pulls his arms back into wrap around Jensen. “And I’m gonna eat what’s left of that pizza.”_  
  
_They kiss and smile at each other softly for about a minute and Jared cranes his neck and looks towards the floor._  
  
_Jensen snuffles against Jared’s chest and pushes himself off. “Way to make a memory Jay.”_

  
_“Aww, you’re so cute.” Jared teases and he rolls himself up and off the bed. He walks over the abandoned pizza box and bends to pick it up, then winces out loud and stands back up like a shot._  
  
_Jensen laughs but walks over and picks up the box for him. “Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark.”_  
  
_Jared squints his face at him and takes the two slices and folds them into one and stuffs them in his mouth. He is looking around for his clothes and chewing noisily. He mumbles with his mouth full. “Yeah, let’s watch Tommy Boy!”_  
  
_“Yeah?” Jensen asks, they look on his face reads relief. He wasn’t sure if there was going to be any weirdness, there isn’t. “We can do that.”_  
  
_“Cool.” Jared says, taking another bite of cold pizza and looking like he’s about to walk out of the room and towards his room._  
  
_Jensen pulls his arm back and says. “After we fix your sisters room.”_  
  
_It’s kind of a mess and they did defile her pretty princess bed. A few hours later after Tommy Boy and in the middle of Jackie Brown, Genevieve and the sisters get back. Jared lies and says he accidentally spilled juice on her bed and he changed the bed for her, coming off like a hero. She never needs to know the truth._  
  
_It’s not until the next day that Jensen tells Genevieve what happened. She’s ecstatic for him. Later she talks to Jared and she’s less ecstatic._  
  
_They fuck like rabbits for the rest of the summer and Jensen is so happy he overlooks some of Jared’s bad habits that are starting to become a problem, like his burgeoning friendship with Chad._

 

 

Danneel is in a place of her own in Malibu, she’s seems great of course, except for what Jensen suspects is still that little cocaine issue.  
  
She shows Jensen around, picking up scattered clothes as she goes. The place is bright and airy and decidedly not overkill pink. It’s fashionable of course and a little more refined than he would have imagined.  
  
“Mommy bought me the house and then split with hubby number four.” She sneers. “Pretty daughters are too much of a temptation for asshole stepdaddies.” Then tosses off, “But it’s ok because they sure as hell pay for her, our, lifestyle right?”  
  
Sadly, and not surprisingly, another part of Los Angeles life.  
  
“Shit, that sucks. Sorry about that.” Jensen tries. He doesn’t really know what to say, I mean what you can say. He also doesn’t want to ask, but it doesn’t matter because she volunteers.  
  
“What should I care anyway? Daddy Two got me a BMW for making me suck his dick and Daddy Three had to give me a trust fund and mommy new boobs for fucking me.” Danneel has never shied away from telling it like it is. “Men are pigs Jensen, but as long as I get something out of it, I’m good. I’m great. I just think of it as payment for not getting an orgasm.”  
Jensen smiles weakly. “So what are you doing now?”  
  
“You mean aside from just being my fabulous self?” She laughs haughtily, swiping her index finger under her nose like she has an itch. “I have found that my natural ability to dress and undress myself can get me paid.”  
  
Jensen isn’t sure what that means exactly, but knowing Danneel, he thinks it can’t be good. His face says as much as his eyebrows crawl up his forehead.  
  
“No Jensen, I’m not a fucking stripper.” She throws a blouse at him. “I’ve been doing personal styling and shopping for some Ladies who Lunch.”  
  
“Really?” He smiles at that, if there’s one thing the girl can do, its shop.  
  
She drops the armful of clothes on a settee, “Yep, they are too moneyed and busy playing doubles tennis at the club to shop on their own amongst the commoners and tourists on Rodeo. So I do it for them.” She racks a handful of business cards and hands him one. “And I charge them a boatload for it.”  
  
He reads the card, her name and phone number on the back in gold on gloss black and on the front a black on gold fashion sketch. It’s really nice and pure Danneel.  
  
“This is really good Dee, perfect for you actually.” Jensen adds the card to his wallet and just keeps watching her as she flits about the room like a hummingbird, hanging some clothes throwing others into a pile here and there, pulling out and putting away boxes of shoes and accessories. “So, perverted father figures aside is there anyone special?”  
  
When she’s done all the racks, the closet and the shelves look like a well curated showroom.  
She pulls a pair of jeans out of a stack of at least a dozen and white sleeveless blouse. “Not since I stopped fucking my shrink.” Again with the bluntness. “He wouldn’t even give me a discount on my sessions and he liked spanking me too much. Fucking Freud or whoever that psycho quack that was that never shut up about sex and domination.”  
  
She starts changing in front of him, no shame, ever. Not that he’s interested anyway. She would be just as comfortable doing this in front of a room full of people, so he doesn’t even bother to look away as she keeps talking.  
  
“Men are like tissue Jensen, disposable, they come and go.” She points the heel of a Louboutin stiletto at him. “I get what I can from them and if I’m lucky, they can eat pussy like a champ.” She winks. “Those guys get a little more of my time. Then I send them on their way.”  
  
She slides on the heels, then rummages through a jewelry box, stacking bracelets up her thin arm.  
  
He’s not shocked; he stopped being shocked by Danneel years ago. “And you don’t think you want a real relationship?” He’s being sentimental, thinking of Jared, but he’s also kind of sad for her.  
  
“Why would I? The men in my life have only ever been interested in one thing.” Squeezing her boobs together and shrugging, but not look him in the face. “Present company excluded of course.” She twists her auburn hair in to a knot on the top of her head. “They get what they want and I get what I want.” She spritzes some perfume on her neck and cleavage. “I’ve learned not to expect things from men. Not that one of them has ever asked.” Those last words are a little harder in tone but he lets it go.  
  
“Well as long as you’re good?” He questions. “You know you can always call me if need anything or just to chat?”  
  
“I’m good Jensen, I’m great.” She looks at herself in the mirror, posing and adjusting.  
  
“Don’t I look good?”  
  
“You look great, Dee, you always do.” He smiles and comes up to hug her from behind.  
  
“Damn right I do.” She checks herself once more in the mirror and Jensen doesn’t miss her staring herself in the face, eyes hard. “I always look good.”

 

 

 _It’s spring break and Jensen is almost ready to graduate, they are all at Jensen’s families house in Palm Springs. He hasn’t told anyone yet, but Jensen got acceptance letters from USC, Stanford, and NYU. NYU has the better program but USC is just across town._  
  
_He’s spent the bulk of his senior year only going on a few dates and never really getting close to any of them. He won’t admit to just waiting for those times he could have really good sex with his best friend. The one he was in love with. He knew how wrong it was, there were too many ways to count, so he tried not to think about it. But as much as he wanted it, he also felt just as guilty the next day._  
  
_Jared went on dates with girls and stuff, but he’s never actually committed to having a girlfriend so Jensen didn’t really care too much to think about that either._  
_In his own way he got to have Jared._  
  
_The illusion came crashing down when Jared told him after they blew each other in the pool house, that he might be in love with Adrienne Palicki and he thinks he’s going to go for it._  
_Jensen is stunned. Jared only went on two dates with Adrienne, and sure, they have a couple of classes together and chess club but Jared never said anything._  
  
_He kind of freaks out and yells at Jared. Jared doesn’t mean to say it so badly, but he tells Jensen he was only having sex with him because he thought it was what Jensen wanted._  
_“I love you Jen. You’re my best friend, it’s easy and you like it, right?” Jared tries. “I’d do anything to make you happy.”_  
  
_But hearing it like that only makes it worse. Jared never wanted it to be more and Jensen just assumed it was. He took advantage of Jared._  
  
_Jensen keeps stoic and says, “Yeah yeah, me too, I just thought I was doing you a favor. But yeah, I’ve been seeing someone too.” He lies, trying to remain stoic and pretending like the guy is someone at school, who isn’t out. He thinks of Chris, but Chris has been long gone._  
_Jensen is hurt, humiliated and still in love with Jared. The rest of the school year he tries to get over it, puts on that everything is fine, great even, but that he’s really stressed out about graduating and starting college in the fall._  
  
_He accepts the admission to NYU, the one he wasn’t going to accept because he didn’t want to leave Jared, because their program was better for the field he wanted to go into._  
_Everyone buys the act but Gen. She knows better but doesn’t say anything, to either of them._  
_In August, Jensen leaves for NYU and Jared and Gen see him off._

 


	4. All That Glitters

He’s heading back to the hospital but stops by Joan’s on Third to get something for Gen to eat, hospital food sucks, when he runs into Tom Welling. He was kind of a douche in high school but he did hook them up with weed and some harder stuff on occasion.  
  
Tom was, still is, a good looking guy. Tall, taller than Jensen maybe even Jared. He used to remind Jensen of a young Clark Kent. He could have been a young Superman. He had an All American in high school after all. Could have had a good career in the NFL but he never went anywhere.  
  
Instead he look a typical bored trust fund brat, fashionably sloppy, hair slicked back; looks like maybe that side business in school really took off for him.  
  
“Ackles, buddy, good to see you again.” He covers Jensen’s hand with his own and shakes almost like he’s practicing to be a politician. “What brings you back to the Sunshine State?” Tom’s smile is too big for Jensen’s liking. A Cheshire cat or used car salesman, with a secret.  
  
“That’s Florida.” Jensen returns; his hand still in Tom’s grip.  
  
“Fuck Florida, who needs all those old people, right?” He let’s go of Jensen’s hand for which Jensen is grateful but then grips his should and pulls him in like he’s about to share a secret. “No really, what brings you back, everything ok?”  
  
“Just came for a visit is all.” Jensen splays his hands like he has nothing to hide and looks around for an escape from the conversation.  
  
Tom gives his shoulder another squeeze then let’s go. “Hmm, thought maybe you were here to check in on your kids.” He is super oily and Jensen thinks he’s trying to say something, without really saying it. “Maybe see how everyone was behaving without you.”  
  
He doesn’t know if Tom’s talking about Jared or Gen or both, but he’s certainly creeped out by the conversation.  
  
“I guess we’ll see, won’t we.” Jensen says moving out the way of some people trying to get past them. “You take care Tom.”  
  
“I always do.” He swipes his tongue across his lip and adds a little louder as Jensen moves away. “You let me know if you need help with anything, Ackles.” He gives a nod before he turns and walks out.  
  
Jensen tries not to look back at him directly but he notices in his periphery Tom outside the window stepping off sidewalk with a smirk on his face laughing to himself as he gets into a black convertible Porsche and pulls away, then another bigger car pulling out right behind him.  
  
Twice today Jensen learns about people in his life who had so much potential but seem to have fallen victim, if you want to call it that, to the excess of the Hollywood life.  
Despite his reasons for leaving, or the real reason anyway, Jensen didn’t want to become another Silver Spoon Statistic either. He wanted to have something that was his, just like his dad and Gerry did early on. Something they had made, before all they made was money.  
He would never begrudge his parents their successes or others who had the same kind of upbringing he did, but he didn’t want to want to just coast by on someone else’s work.  
Picking through the deli case, he thinks about what Tom said again and wonders if maybe he was talking about Jared. Jared had taken a year off from school to figure out what he wanted to do with his life before he started college, not that that was unusual by any means, but two years later he was still wasn’t doing anything. And since Jensen’s last visit home and all reports since then, he’s spent most of the time just partying with Chad and looking for the next good time.  
  
Jensen doesn’t want to think badly of Jared or what he’s been up to; but if Tom’s words were in fact about him then maybe it is true and maybe Jared was already further gone than Jensen realized.

 

 

_Jensen had been doing well in New York. He was his second year, made some new friends and was finally going home for Christmas. He’d gone to Paris the year before with his family and spent Spring Break in St. Thomas with Gen while Jared was stuck in Texas as punishment for crashing one of his Dad’s vintage cars. Jensen then spent that summer staying in the city for an internship.  
  
He and Jared spoke on the phone during that time but it was nothing like how they used to be, it was just surface. It wasn’t like he was actively trying to ignore Jared, except for how he totally was.    
  
He got home just in time for all the Christmas parties and he’s wasn’t even home for an hour before Gen had called him from a club in Hollywood and he headed over. He made the rounds, catching up with everyone he hadn’t seen in the last two years. Who was in school still and how were they doing, who was working already, and how many were already married, all the typical class reunion chit chat. They were all hammered or flying, of course, but it was a party and who was he to begrudge them some holiday cheer.   
  
It’s just after midnight when he finally saw Jared. It had been the first time in well over a year.   
  
Jared had been everything Jensen remembered falling in love with and more. He was huge for a start and hotter than Jensen could handle. Gen tried to warn him to be careful but fuck-it, it was a party.   
  
They ended up having sex in the VIP bathroom, old habits and all that. Jensen knew he was being stupid, so clearly nothing had changed.    
  
The next day was Christmas Eve at the Ackles home and he sees Jared’s family. They tell him he has to come out to their New Year’s Party in Palm Springs and he accepts, of course.   
  
Christmas week was nice and he spent as much quality time with his family as he could, especially with MacKenzie, who was now old enough for them to have a real relationship.   
  
He shopped with Danneel during the day and partied with Jared and Chad a little too much at night.   
  
Genevieve took him riding and they spent the time talking about school. She was majoring in equine studies, it was fitting. They drove to a building in Santa Monica not far from Abbot Kinney and she surprised Jensen by showing him an industrial loft she just bought and was having renovated. The place was amazing. It had a giant open floor plan that housed a living room, dining room and design studio all in one. There were huge wood framed floor to ceiling windows lining the street facing wall, another with exposed brick, and roughhewn wood beams running across the exposed ceiling.   
  
“I’m going finish these walls in Italian plaster and then stain and polish the floors.” She said, walking around the apartment, pride evident in her face.   
  
She showed him some drawings of furniture and cabinets she was having custom made, the layout of the kitchen and where her bedroom was going to be.   
  
“This is amazing. How come you never told me you all your chicken scratches were actually turning into something useful?” He teased, but was clearly in awe of the place and her.   
  
That night when they were at yet another club, Jared told Jensen he wanted him to stay but Jensen said he couldn’t. He had school to finish and as much as he missed Jared, Gen, and his family he knew that if he stayed it will only hurt him in the long run. Jensen said he knew he would succumb to the LA lifestyle if he didn’t go back to New York. It was different and he needed that. He doesn’t mention that he’s still in love with Jared and he’s really trying to avoid added heartbreak.  
  
Jared gets mad at him, telling him that LA isn’t that bad and why is he preaching at Jared anyway, when Jensen parties too.   
  
“Besides, it’s not like I’ve forgotten who got me stoned the first time.” Jared reminds him.   
  
Jensen was gutted. It was the truth. He opened that door.   
  
They argued for another hour before Jared just threw up his hand and stormed off, taking Chad with him.  
  
On New Year’s Eve, Jensen was in his tux, circling the edge of the Padaleckis pool and looking at the twinkling lights of the desert valley below. It was cold outside; not as cold as New York was but it was still winter, even in the desert. He looked up across the lit blue infinity pool at the expansive window walls of the Padaleckis mid-century modern house, watching the smiling happy faces of all the revelers inside, drinking champagne and keeping warm.  It was bitter sweet, he did miss everyone more than he realized but at the same time knows where he’s at, in New York, is where he needs to be. He doesn’t want to become another one of the vacuous LA people. Ignoring the other reason why staying away was also beneficial for him.   
  
The music playing in the house was also playing across the grounds, spilling out from the speakers tucked into the landscape. There had been a few other brave souls outside with him, sitting around the patios fire pit, but it was still too many for his liking at that moment.   
  
He had decided to head down the back stairs, hidden by the pool, thinking he could avoid socializing by sneaking in into the game room in the basement; he’d make his face present later, just before the ball dropped.   
  
But Jared was there, coming up the stairs as Jensen started down them. He was a bit rumpled and his eyes were glassy, but fuck he looked good. Even though it was at odds with the sharp cut of the suit, black with a pale lavender silk shirt underneath; Jared’s always too long, messy hair looked perfect. The three top buttons were undone, revealing his genetically gifted tanned chest and the long line of his neck.   
  
Jensen has to remember, no.   
  
Jared apologized for the fight at the club and promised that if Jensen stayed, he’d be better.   
  
“Hangovers and detox aren’t that much fun anyway. Besides, I know a bunch of other things we can do to get into trouble anyway.” He offered, pulling on Jensen’s silver Gucci belt buckle.   
  
“Do you really mean it, Jay?” Jensen asked, skepticism just sitting under the surface of hope.  
  
“Yeah man, you mean more to me than anything, I still need you.” Jared says, taking a step down, so that they were both at eye level.   
  
Jensen argued and Jared cajoled but eventually Jensen gave in.   
  
“I hate that I can’t stay mad at you.” He said.   
  
Jared was elated.   
  
When they hugged it out Jared started kissing Jensen’s neck, telling Jensen with his lips pressed to Jensen’s pulse, that he was wrong two years ago. He is in love with Jensen, no one else compares and no one ever could. Jensen shut down the voice of warning in his head, instead telling himself that he could have this now and that he’d figure out the rest later.  He brought brings his mouth together with Jared’s.  The kiss was unlike any other they’d shared.   
  
Then Jared pulled Jensen’s zipper down and blew him right there on the stairs. Jensen then returned the favor by fucking Jared fully clothed up against the wall on the side of the house.  
  
The only realized it was a new year when a sudden rise of muffled cheers sounded and fireworks shot off in the air.  
  
After, when they were lying together in one of the guest rooms, Jared said he was going to Mexico with Chad the next day.  
  
It hits Jensen.   
  
When Jared woke up, Jensen was already on a plane back to New York. _

 

The elevator dings and he exits and heads in the direction of Gen’s room.  
  
She is just finishing talking to the police and a woman who Jensen guesses must be the counselor. He moves around them and tucks into the corner of the room, watching how well she’s holding up outwardly, but he knows her better than that. She’s fidgeting with the edge of the hospital blanket, scraping her nails back and forth over the hem.  
  
“Thank you for your patience Miss Cortese, we know this isn’t easy for you. But the sooner we get as much information as we can, while it’s still fresh in your head, the better chance we have of finding this guy and making a case.” The lead officer, a Hispanic woman with a soft voice, says closing her note book and turning off a small voice recorder. Her partner, a tall guy with blond hair, who is standing just behind her, is making his movements slowly, his body seemingly smaller than it really is.  
  
Jensen figures the last thing a women wants, who’s been through what Gen has, is another man around her, much less in the same room as she recalls it.

  
He only packs up their things and thanks Gen quietly, taking the recorder from his partners hand and slipping it into a soft black briefcase with the other things. He backs up towards the door before he turns fully, to leave.

  
It makes Jensen think about the time the three of them went to Doggy Training Camp when Jared got his dog, Harley. That dog was a canine version of Jared, big, sweet and full of too much energy. The instructor had made a lot of the same moves, showing them how to deal with an animal that'seitherscared or angry. Office Doggy, Jensen thinks of him now.

  
“We’ll let you know what the findings are when we get the Rape Kit back as well.” The lady officer concludes. “Just get some rest and if you think of anything else please call us.” She hands her a card and Gen thumbs at one of the corners, nodding her head, but keeping it lowered.  
  
“Take care of yourself Miss Cortese.” The officer smiles slightly at Jensen and at the counselor who hasn’t said anything yet, or since Jensen got there.  
  
“Thank you Officer Santiago, I will.” Gen says, blowing out a huge breath. She blinks away tears and looks over to Jensen, taking in another deep breath and blowing it out again.  
  
He gives her smile that says “ya did good” and “it’s going to be ok”.  
  
The counselor addresses him then. “You must be Jensen?” She turning in her chair to shake his hand.  
  
“I am.” Jensen stands up and leans over to reach her.  
  
“I’m Joyce Ambrose, a counselor here.” She looks back at Gen. “We just want to make sure Genevieve is getting everything she needs and help her get through all of this as easily as possible.”  
  
He walks around to the other side of her bed and takes her hand. “We appreciate that.”  
  
“Ok, Genevieve, I think that’s more than enough for right now. It looks like Jensen brought you some good food.” She nods over to the white bag with Joan’s name emblazoned on the side. “I’ll let you eat and get some rest for a while. I’ll swing by and check on you again towards the end of the day, how about that?”  
  
“Thank you.” Gen says, sinking down a bit, trying to burrow under the shield of the covers.  
  
Jensen pulls the tray table with the bag closer and re-positions his chair next to Gen at the head of the bed. He leans over lays his head on the pillow with hers.  
  
“I know you probably don’t want to, but you need to try to eat something.” He wipes at the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “That’s over now too. You just need to rest and concentrate on getting better now okay. I need you back in fighting shape, Peanut.”  
  
Her face crumbles and she cries harder. Jensen just stays where he is, letting her have it andwiping tears as they come. When they slow to a near stop, he gets up to get another wet wash cloth and cleans her face.

  
“Okay, I’m done now.” She determines. He’s helping her sit up a little more and she asks. “Did you get me the mac and cheese?”  
  
“You’re kidding me right? I’m insulted. What kind of a friend do you think I am?” He scoffs dramatically for effect.  
  
“And the pickles too?” She tries to poke at the bag with her good arm.  
  
“I’m just gonna ignore you now.” Jensen says, playfully rolling his eyes.  
  
He pulls outs two white deli boxes of her favorite macaroni, a small plastic container of the store’s homemade sweet dill pickles, two bottles of mineral water, napkins and some plastic cutlery.  
  
“When was the last time we had a picnic, Chief?” Some color comes back to her face and she looks like she's ready to eat all of it herself. Jensen loves that.  
  
“Too long.” He concedes, and it has been. He pauses and looks around the tray and at her then breaks into a grin. “Well, do I need to feed you too?”  
  
“Give me a fork jackass.” She holds out her hand.  
  
They eat slowly and quietly for the most part, Gen occasionally letting out a low groan with happy belly approval.  
  
Before she even finishes, she asks him if he brought her something sweet too. He smiles are her, still chewing his mouthful of noodles, and pulls out a box of cookies and meringues, that he'd kept hidden in the bag.  
  
“When was the last time I told you I loved you, Chief?” She blows him a kiss and takes another fork full of the cheesy goodness.  
  
Twenty minutes later, Jensen’s cleaned away the mess of containers and they are just about to dig into their desert when all three of their parents show up in the doorway; looking haggard and anxious in equal measure.  
  
Gen looks over. “Long flight?” Then her breath hitches as Camille comes towards her in lightning speed, Louis Vuitton bag crushing between them as she tries to hug Gen within an inch of her life.  
  
Jensen drops the cookie in his hand and stands trying to pry them apart a bit. “She has a broken rib, Cam.”  
  
Gen’s mom immediately lets go, as if she’s touched fire. “Oh my god baby, I’m so sorry.”  
  
Jensen amends. “Well two cracked ribs actually. But I don’t think Italian leather will help the healing process.”  
  
She looks at the bag in her hand and drops it at the foot of the bed and gives Jensen a withering look.  
  
“Jensen.” His own mother admonishes from the small crowd now formed inside the room and Gen laughs.  
  
Camille takes a breath and holds up Gen’s face. “What happened, my beautiful girl?”  
  
There is no way Jensen’s going to let her repeat everything again in front of a new audience. “Freak roller blade accident.” He answers, tutting his tongue against the back of his teeth.

Gen nods, her head in solemn agreement.  
  
“Jensen!” His mother snaps, louder.  
  
Camille sits down on the bed, examining her daughter.  
  
Jensen kisses Gen on the side of the head and says he’ll be just down the hall, her eyes say “thank you” and “this sucks”, he gives her a wink and gets up. “Why don’t we get you guys some coffee and let Camille and Dave have a few minutes alone with Gen?” He corrals his parents and Gerry and Sherry steering them towards the door and then out. 

Jensen can hear Camille starting to cry and Gen trying to hush her, as he closes the door.  
  
He walks them all down the hall and into one of the private waiting rooms, shutting the door behind them. As soon as the door clicks they all start asking questions at the same time.

He calmly walks over gets a small bottle of water that’s sitting on the counter at the back of the room. He takes a sip and sits down at the head of the table as they all keep yammering and talking over each other. Then he clears his throat and says in a low, but steady, clear voice, “She was raped.”  
  
The whole room quiets at that.

Donna starts first. “What happened, Jensen?”  
  
Followed by Sherry asking. “Where is Jared?”  
  
“As far as I know he’s on his way back from Palm Springs.” He looks to Sherry and something in her face doesn’t look quite right. He's never seen it on her before. So he looks back to his mother and goes on. “I haven’t asked her anything specific, just what I got from the Doctor and nurses.” He takes another sip of water and adjusts the chair he’s sitting in.  
  
“Sometime yesterday she called 911 for help and gave me as a person to call in an emergency. They wouldn't give me any specifics over the phone but said she was being taken into surgery, critical care. So I got the first plane I could and got here.”  
  
Donna gasps and Sherry lets out a sob. Alan and Gerry don’t make a move but their faces are stricken.  
  
“When I got here she had just gotten out of surgery. Her Doctor came and told me what she was dealing with.” He lists off the damage done to her body while his mother and Jared’s cry together, sharing tissues. “So now we just wait for her to be released, take her home and help her to repair the rest of it.”  
  
Alan says. “Well, I’m glad you're here son; even if it is for all the wrong reasons.”  
Gerry says something in agreement but Jensen can’t quite make it out, he just sees a look of guilt in Gerry's features.  
  
They all sit there for a bit processing everything. It’s not that they don’t love their children, they do of course, but something in the looks they all give each other makes Jensen think they know that they’ve let things get away from them, as far as their kids are concerned. No amount of money can fix this and they all know it.  
  
To break the silence and the tension, Jensen stands to get another bottle of water and leans back against the counter top. “I went by her apartment while she was sleeping this morning, cleaned the place up and got rid of what I could.”  
  
They all look to him then, like kids themselves, waiting to find out what they are supposed to do next.  
  
“I don’t know how long I’m staying, but I will stay long enough to make sure she’s back on her feet, or as much as she can be.” He finishes the water and chucks the bottle into the waste basket. “It’s late and I know you’re all exhausted. There isn’t much you can do right now, so why don’t you take Camille and Dave home and I’ll call you guys in the morning?”  
  
They don't say much, just nod in agreement and start to gather their things.

“Do the girls know?” Gerry asks.  
  
“No, I haven’t called them and they don’t think they really need to know…at least not now.” Jensen says, suddenly grateful that Mackenzie and Megan are at boarding school and won’t be home until the weekend. He’d all but forgotten about them in the last twenty four hours.  
  
They all walk out of the room and back towards Gen’s. Waiting in the hall as Jensen goes back into her room by himself.

Camille gets up and hugs him as hard as she can, Dave right behind her clapping him on the shoulder and reiterating her muffled thanks.  
  
“We’ll be back first thing in the morning to see you and talk to the doctor.” He looks to his daughter and she just nods; her eyes puffy and red again. They kiss her goodbye and Camille kisses Jensen on the cheek before she walks out of the room and into the arms of Sherry and Donna.  
  
Dave closes the door behind him and Jensen sits down on the side of the bed. “How much fun was that, huh?” He teases lightly, handing her the box of tissue.  
  
Gen blows her nose and chuckles. “The best, I wish we could do that shit every day!” She says with thinly veiled sarcasm.  
  
When she's done, Jensen takes all the used tissues, tosses them in the small trash can by her bed and hands her a glass of water. “So I’m thinking we finish those cookies and see if Seinfeld is on.”  
  
“I’d like that.” She says, wiping at her nose one more time and giving a small smile.  
  
They eat the entire box cookies, after the on call nurse brings them two small cartons of milk, and with her a flower arrangement with a small card from Danneel. They get through almost three episodes of the show on TNT, before Gen starts to fall asleep. Jensen’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he turns away from her to make sure she doesn’t wake.  
  
He misses the call but walks quietly out to the hallway. He has a voice mail from Jared; who just got home and wants Jensen to come over and says nothing about Genevieve.  
  
Jensen is angry, about Gen and about what Jared’s has or hasn’t been up to.  
  
He goes back into the room and turns off the television. He clears away the mess on her tray table and leaves the tissue, a cup of water for her to drink from and another with a single purple flower he pulled out of the arrangement that’s sitting on the nightstand behind the head of her bed.  
  
Leaning over, he gives her a kiss on the cheek and whispers that he’ll be back soon, placing the nurse call button by her hand. She gives a faint nod and drifts back to sleep.

The sun is on its last legs when Jensen makes it back to his car. He lowers all the windows, since the weather is unusually warm for the season, and drives back towards Santa Monica and tries in vain to get his thoughts together again. The warm air, heavy with humidity, feels good flowing over his skin, like a perfect blanket, that makes you feel warm and safe, but not smothered. If he was back in New York they would call this kind of weather “balmy” and people would be out on the streets in tee shirts and shorts well into the night. In California it’s just an excuse to turn on the air conditioning.  
  
It’s the first time he’s thought about his adopted home since his plane landed at LAX, he kind of misses it. The constant chaos of the city and its inhabitants and the romantic idea most people have about the bustling nature of a big city. Its chaos is a far cry from the chaos he’s dealing with right now.  
  
What is his new family doing right now? Did Andy ever figure out how to make that design work or is he still working on it? Sam hasn’t called back, after Jensen left a somewhat frantic message that he had to leave town for a family emergency but would call when he could, which tells Jensen she’s probably still on rotation at the hospital and hasn’t had time to check her phone.  
  
He hasn’t replaced his real family, or Genevieve and Jared, not at all. But Jensen would be lying if he didn’t admit that he loves them. They’ve found him and took him in when he was fresh off the bus and to be honest, still bruised from his leaving home. Sam wasn’t a mother figure per se, even if he probably needed one, but more of an aunt who always pressed to make sure you were eating enough and remembered to watch your wallet when you were on the subway. She born and bred in the city and knew its in’s and out’s better than the MTA.

Andy was the opposite. He was just as new as Jensen was to the city, having come from a small town just outside Atlanta. They had met the third week into the semester, both struggling to find the right building for their economics class. Freshman in every sense of the word, they buddied up to help each other out with school, the city, life when necessary. There were a few other friends around, mostly from school and a few of Sam’s co-workers, rounding out the table when they would play poker or something that required more bodies.

It was good, Jensen had some people he could lean on when he needed to and help out in return when they needed it. It wasn’t quite The Three, but it was a workable substitute. When they weren’t in classes or working Jensen and Andy would explore the city together, Sam playing tour guide when she could. They would make dinners together in Jensen’s small apartment in Union Square, Sam bringing over spices or something he didn’t have, from her place across the hall. Andy would often fall asleep on the sofa when studying ran late in the night and Jensen would let him sleep, rather than making him take the subway back up to Harlem.  
  
There was no boyfriend and Jensen wasn’t dating anyone, not really, just an occasional hook up when they’d go out to a club or bar. He didn’t want to see anyone. He wasn’t there to get over Jared by getting under another body; he just wanted it to not hurt as much anymore. For the time being that method was to not get close to anyone in that way.  
  
Looking at his watch, he realizes he didn’t adjust for the time change. It’s almost midnight in Manhattan and even though he’s pretty sure that Andy would still be awake, he makes a mental note to call them in the morning, just to check in with them.  
  
The street lights are flickering to life and there is a heavy sprinkling of rain coming down as he drives along Sunset Boulevard, coming up on Beverly Hills and its showcase of grand homes and lush green lawns that so many people envy. Checking his review mirror as he leaves the Sunset Strip district behind him, he sees the kaleidoscope of sparkling colors where neon signs beckon people off the street and into their expensive boutiques and exclusive hard partying clubs. He remembers a passage from The Merchant of Venice he read in his senior year.  
  
_All that glisters is not gold;_  
_Often have you heard that told:_  
_Many a man his life hath sold_  
_But my outside to behold:_  
_Gilded tombs do worms enfold._  
_Had you been as wise as bold,_  
_Young in limbs, in judgement old_  
_Your answer had not been inscroll'd_  
_Fare you well, your suit is cold._  
  
His teacher said Shakespeare was trying to say that just because something looks beautiful and enticing or prosperous that it wasn’t inherently better or good for you, or even what you really needed. More often than not it was just an illusion, promising more that it really was. Money, beauty and status were not evil, it was more about the person who was born with, gained or sought these things and what they did with them when they had them.  
All that glittered was not gold.  
  
He didn’t appreciate it then, but was now starting to understand it and see how those things changed his family, friends and enemies. For them these things had either grown into armor to hide unseen ugliness beneath or make them weaker and more dependent on these things than they really were.  
  
Except for Gen, but even she paid a price.  
  
Jensen didn’t know what he was going to do with this newly understood wisdom; he just knew he didn’t want to fall victim any further to the excesses that privilege had given him.  
  
He feels a headache coming on and tries to stop thinking so hard. Instead, he focuses on the hum of tires on the road, the smell of rain drops drying on warm asphalt, fresh cut grass and brine of the ocean permeating the air as he gets closer to the beach.  
  
When he pulls up to Jared’s apartment building he sees a vintage Cadillac slowly pulling out of the parking garage. It’s big and bright blue, like cobalt, with a white soft top roof, like something his grandfather would drive. He doesn’t know why, but his gut says there’s something’s not right.

 


	5. All That Glitters

Jensen gets off the elevator and he isn’t even twenty feet down the hallway before he hears music pouring out the door at the end. Jared’s neighbors must love him. The door is open halfway and Sam Cooke is singing about Summertime and easy living, clearly it’s Jared’s motto in life. He knocks lightly and walks in.  
  
“Jared?”  
  
“I’ll be right out.” Comes from the bathroom.  
  
Jensen looks around; it’s little messy but not dirty, save for a few dishes in the sink. The furnishings are a little lackluster, he thinks maybe the sofa was from the Padaleckis living room a decade ago; no way Jared picked that floral pattern himself. Otherwise it looks as expected, a bachelor pad. Black shelving with books, magazines and cd’s stacked everywhere, a coffee table fashioned from wood pallets and a potted plant in the corner that looks like it needs some love and a lot of water. There are shoes, flip flops mostly, scattered across the floor, a surfboard propped up against a wall and the required bachelor staple, a massive sound system and television smack in the middle of all of it.  
  
He peaks into the bedroom, there’s a cozy looking bed with a ton of blankets pushed and twisted at the head and a single white sheet kicked to the end of the mattress and box spring, which sits directly on the floor. Just like Jared would have it. He tries not to because he’s still annoyed at Jared, but he smiles at that.  
  
“Hey stranger.” A deep rich voice coo’s in his ear.  
  
It’s just then when warm bare arms wrap around his waist and pull him back into Jared’s chest. Now he feels like he’s home. Jared presses his face against Jensen’s cheek, he smells fresh soap and can feel the soft stubble against his skin, Jared’s just showered but he hasn’t shaved in a few days. As much as he would love to stay just like that, for days, and then loathe himself for it later, he came here for a reason.  
  
He puts his hands on Jared’s arms, trying to release himself from the grip. Jared barely lets him. So he turns as best as he can and their faces are centimeters apart. Jensen swallows hard because jesus fucking christ the asshole is even hotter than the last time he saw him.  
  
He’s at least a few inches taller than last time; his hair is longer, the stubble, runway model perfect, soft pink lips just begging for attention right there. Jensen tilts his head up a bit, he has to now, and those blue-hazel-green eyes that have kept Jensen transfixed for years are glassy, sparkling and fixed right on him. Jensen doesn’t have to look down to know that Jared is naked except for sun bronzed tan and a too small white towel wrapped around the slim cut of his hips. He’s a walking talking, living, breathing specimen of 'perfect physical man'.  
“Hey, Jay.” It takes all of Jensen’s strength then to push away. He can’t have this, it would break him and right now he has to think of the reason he’s home at all.  
  
They look at each other for a long minute, taking each other in and assessing. Jensen can’t help it, he rushes forward and hugs Jared with all he has and Jared returns it. He rocks Jensen from side to side a little and whispers shhh’s low against his ear. “It’s ok…it’s ok.”  
  
“No…it’s not.” Jensen tries and Jared just keeps on, cupping the back of Jensen’s head with his giant palm.  
  
Jensen has to pull away, hard. Jared thinks he’s talking about the last time he was here.  
“No, Jay. It’s not okay, nothing is okay, everything is far from okay.” Jensen practically spits at him. “Where the fuck have you been?”  
  
“Why are you yelling at me?” Jared looks hurt, confused and beautiful. “I told you I was with Chad.”  
  
“Did you even listen to my message?” Jensen is irate.  
  
“Yeah, but I was in a club so I could barely hear what you were saying other than you were back and to call you.” Now Jared is getting upset, chest heaving and his face getting red. He grabs a pair of jeans off the dresser and drops the towel, pulling them up his long, long legs. “What the fuck is going on? Why are you so fucking pissed at me?”  
  
“It’s Gen, Jared. She’s in Intensive care at Cedars.” He growls. Jared’s eyes go wide and his face turns as white as the towel in his hand. Jensen’s voice drops to barely a whisper. “She was raped and beaten Jay.”  
  
They stand there motionless for a minute, both looking down at the floor.  
  
“No…no, I was just with her yesterday.” Jared shakes his head. “I was at her place before I took off with Chad.”  
  
His face looks like it used to when he was a kid, trying to figure out math in his head. “How did you?”  
  
“The hospital called me. What time did you leave?” Jensen asks. “Did you see anyone around her building?”  
  
Jared leans against the doorframe and bends over, gripping his hair in his hands. He doesn’t say anything.  
  
“Jared, was she seeing someone?”  
  
“No, not that I’m aware of. There’s a guy, a trainer over at the stables where she rides. She likes him, but I don’t think anything’s happened.” Jared says, standing up again and moving into the living room.  
  
Jensen follows him out and sits on the arm of the sofa while Jared moves around and tries to straighten up the place.  
  
“What were you guys doing before you took off with Chad?” Jensen knows Jared’s trying to evade him and he has a good idea why.  
  
It’s perfect timing when Jared goes to grab some magazines off of the coffee table and a small mirror drops back onto it, slipping from between some pages. It’s smudged but there are traces of white powder visible.  
  
Jared doesn’t move. So Jensen walks over and picks it up. “Great. That’s it right? You guys were fucking around. What happened?”  
  
“No, she wasn’t.” Jared’s telling the truth about that, Jensen knows this, but Jared still looks guilty.  
  
“So that thing everyone has been whispering about for months and keeping from me, it’s all true?” Jensen asks, his voice begging Jared to tell him it’s not true.  
“I just...” Jared starts.  
  
“You just, what Jay?” It’s all true and Jensen knows it. He’s been lying to himself all this time.  
  
“Come on Jensen, it’s nothing serious. It’s not like I’m an addict or anything. We’re just having a good time.” Jared’s seems to have been lying to himself, just as much as Jensen has.  
  
Jensen walks over the bathroom and pushes the door open, just as he suspected there’s another mirror on the vanity and a small cut of a straw. “You need a bump just to talk to me? Were you scared to see me?” Jensen’s voice is rising as his stomach sinks to the floor. “Is there something else you’re not telling me? What is it, Jared. Tell me, because I really need to know.”  
  
“No.” Jared starts then halts. “No, I love you, you’re my best friend. I’m just.” He sits on the edge of the sofa where Jensen just was. “I’m bored.”  
  
“You’re bored?” Jensen can’t believe what he’s hearing. He laughs mirthlessly. “You’re bored? So get a fucking job, go to school already. What are you doing?”  
  
“I don’t know. That’s the problem.” Jared sits back into a pout, his hands clapped together between his thighs and shoulders slumped forward.  
  
“What the fuck Jay.” He’s beyond tired now and everything coming at him feels like another blow to his stomach. He sits down at Jared’s feet, legs splayed. “Talk to me.”  
  
Jared slides off the end of the sofa and sits with Jensen on the floor, lifting his legs and positioning them over Jensen’s. “What’s the point? I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’m young and I just want to have fun. It’s not like Gerry and Sherry are forcing me to do something with myself. I don’t really need to.” He takes a deep breath and sits back against the sofa. “So Chad and I just hang out, surf, party and fuck around. We’re not hurting anyone.”  
  
Jensen winces at that. Gen’s hurt. That’s why he’s here and Jared was the last to see her.  
“So is this it? Is this what you’re going to do with your life? Surf, get high, coast on your parent’s dime until you get your inheritance?” This wasn’t how it was supposed to be for Jared. Jensen is sad for that boy he met in the park that day. “You’re so much better than that Jay.”  
  
“Am I? Doesn’t feel like it.” Jared says, chewing on his lower lip. “My family is never around; Gen’s busy with her life and you…” He swallows hard. “You left me.”  
  
“I didn’t leave Jared. I went to college.” Jensen tries to sound matter of fact about it. But he knows there is some truth to what Jared is saying. Only he doesn’t want to admit it, yet.  
  
“Okay. But you still left and not just across town. You moved across the country when you could have stayed here and gone to USC, I saw the acceptance letter.”  
  
“Jared.” Now Jensen really does feel guilty.  
  
“You left because of me.” Jared looks like he’s on the verge of crying. “I went too far, with us, didn’t I?”  
  
“That was my fault.” Jensen admits. “I shouldn’t have let it happen. You were, you are, my best friend and I shouldn’t have let it go as far as it did.”  
  
“But you wanted it, didn’t you?” Jared’s face is crestfallen. “Did I push you?”  
  
“No, you didn’t push me.” Jensen says quickly. “I was supposed to look out for you. Be better for you and Gen.”  
  
“You barely ever come home.” Tears are now coming down his face. “I know I screwed it up. I was dumb and…”  
  
“Stop.” Jensen demands, lifting Jared’s face up under his chin. “I would never in a million years think you were dumb Jared. You’re the smartest person I know.” He laughs a little bit. “On most days anyway.”  
  
Jared smiles at that. “Thanks.”  
  
“Jay, you have always been the smartest, sweetest, funniest, most caring, strongest people I’ve ever known.” He keeps Jared’s chin up, forcing him to look Jensen in the eyes. “I mean it. Even when we were kids, I was almost scared of how strong you were, so much stronger than me. I knew you were going to outgrow me before I outgrew you.”  
  
“Come on?” Jared looks at him, his head tilted in disbelief.  
  
Jensen sniffs, “I swear.” He holds up his hand like he’s swearing on a stack of bibles. “And I wanted that for you. I wanted you to be whatever it was you wanted and more.”  
  
“So why aren’t we close anymore?” He’s begging for an answer and Jensen needs to give him one.  
  
This isn’t the right time to make this kind of declaration, but Jensen doesn’t have many options at the moment. “Because I love you Jay.”  
  
“I love you too, Jen.” Jared says, like he has every other time he’s said them, familial.  
“I’m in love with you Jared.” He breathes it out fast on an exhale. “Like love, love.”  
  
“But?” Jared is smiling, but he looks more confused than ever.  
  
“I know you thought we were just messing around but I should have known better. I should have stopped it sooner because you were still a kid and family, it was like incest.” Jensen rolls his eyes, remembering all those raging hormones and sweaty sweet moments. “I wanted it, god did I want it. Then you told me about Adrienne and I used that as a reason to let go without having to admit what I was really feeling. It was easier that way.”  
  
It’s quiet for a minute, and then they both start laughing.  
  
“Ugh, why didn’t you ever tell me that?” Jared smacks him on the shoulder. “How Flowers in the Attic of us.”  
  
Jensen snorts and Jared keeps snickering, his tongue poking out from behind his teeth. It takes a few minutes before they stop laughing.  
  
“I’ve missed you so much Jen.” Jared’s voice is serious again, a little hurt mixed in. He takes Jensen’s hand and twines their fingers, rubbing a thumb over the back of Jensen’s knuckles. “And I don’t just mean that.”  
  
Jensen snorts but he doesn’t pull away from the contact.  
  
Jared’s cheeks turn pink. “Okay, that, but everything else too.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jensen tries to thumb wrestle Jared.  
  
“Yeah!” Jared tried to wrestle back. “All of it, running around, watching the same movies over and over again, and spending all day in bed doing nothing, even studying together; you, me and Gen, making up our own rules and stuff.”  
  
“I miss that too.” Jensen admits, lifting his arm to get leverage on Jared’s thumb.  
  
“You fucking cheater.” Jared growls trying to fight back.  
  
Jensen ends up on his back Jared looming over him, full on wrestling now. Until Jared pins Jensen’s arms over his head, their chests rising and falling with deep breaths.  
  
“I’m in love with you too, dummy.” Jared says. His cheeks are pink from exertion. “Always have been.” Then the color deepens.  
  
He drops down and kisses Jensen and Jensen kisses back with all he has for a minute.  
Then he pushes Jared up by the shoulders. “Gen?”  
  
Jared rolls over on to his back. “Shit. Sorry.”  
  
Jensen sits up and looks over at him. “I know.” He stands up and reaches down to pull Jared up.  
  
Revelations aside, there is still other things they are more pressing to deal with.  
  
“I should get back to my parents’ house.” Jensen groans. “I need to sleep and shower and sleep.”  
  
“Just stay here.” Jared asks.  
  
“No, I can’t.” Jensen says, motioning between the two of them. “We can deal with this later.”  
  
“I promise I’ll behave.” Jared holds his hand up now. “Scouts honor!”  
  
“We got kicked out of Scouts.” Jensen laughs, stretching his arms over his head and yawning.  
  
“Oh right.” Jared says, pretending to punch Jensen in the stomach. “Come on, it’s late.  
  
We’ll go see Gen in the morning, this way you don’t have to drive back here to get me.”  
  
“See, there you go being smart again.” Jensen laughs, patting Jared on the chest.  
  
Jared holds his hand over Jensen’s and presses it to his heart. “I mean it, this is yours.”  
  
Jensen knows Jared is telling him the truth, he’s elated really, but he’s also bone tired.

“Can I borrow a toothbrush?”  
  
They fall asleep together, just as they always have before. And just like before, Jared eventually curled back into Jensen. He was dog tired, but having Jared that close and his feelings out in the open, Jensen, or Jensen’s dick, couldn’t deny how good it felt to have all that warm muscle up against him. He shifted his hips a little and soon was slowly riding the groove of Jared’s ass thru his boxers.  
  
They were half asleep but need and muscle memory guided them through it. Jensen rolled over on top of Jared, blanketing his body. He pulled down his boxers far enough to be able to kick his legs out of them and then slid a hand between them to do the same with Jared’s. It didn’t go much beyond Jensen grinding against the seam of Jared’s spread ass, then Jensen reached under Jared’s hips and stroked him until he came, shaking against and whimpering low into the pillows. Jensen fell back against the mattress, pulling Jared with him, out of the wet spot. Jared nuzzled up to him and slipping a leg between Jensen’s. They stayed that way, kissing softly, just lips, until they both fell fully into sleep.

 

 

Early the next morning they get ready to go see Gen.  
  
“Hey, can we swing by Chad’s on the way so I can get my truck? Then I’ll just follow you.” Jared asks.  
  
“Sure.” Jensen replies, and kisses Jared softly once he rinses his mouth of toothpaste.  
  
It’s still early and Chad’s street is quiet. Jensen pulls up alongside Jared’s giant Ford F-250 and waits for him to get in.  
  
“Shit, I need to get gas.” Jared exhales.  
  
“Okay. She’s in Room 516, make a right when you get off the elevator and we’ll see ya when you get there.”  
  
“Alright, I won’t be far behind you.”  
  
Jensen pulls away and he can see Jared make a U-Turn and pull in behind him, following a few hundred feet back. He can’t help but smile think about those moments in the middle of the night. They are a about a mile up Santa Monica Boulevard when he notices Jared pulling into an Arco in his side mirror.  
  
The traffic on the streets isn’t that bad and he somehow manages to hit most of the green lights on his way towards West Hollywood. When gets to the hospital he stops to get a cup coffee, some flowers and a magazine from the gift shop.  
  
A nurse is walking out of her room as he gets there, so he stands by. “She’s awake, you can go in.” She smiles.  
  
He walks in and she’s sitting up a little more mostly with the help of the bed that’s positioned up a little more than yesterday. She’s eating some scrambled eggs and toast, but not happily. She makes a small begging noise when she sees his coffee. “Are you bringing that for me because I have to suffer through just add water egg stuff?”  
  
“You know better than that.” Jensen takes a long sip and Mmm’s obnoxiously while he swings the cup side to side in front of her face. Then he leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “But I did bring you these.” He follows up, showing her the flowers and the latest copy of whatever tabloid magazine was closest the register.  
  
“Thanks.” She huffs, tearing off and eating another small piece of toast.  
  
He lays them on the foot of her bed and hands her the cup. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”  
  
She takes it gratefully and takes a sip as Jensen grabs one of the pink plastic water pitchers of her nightstand and heads into the bathroom. “Jared is gonna be here in a bit. He was out of gas and had to stop.” He says, filling the pitcher with water from the sink. “That truck is ridiculous but I can’t imagine him in any other kind of car.” He goes on.  
When he comes out he looks at Gen and she’s shaking, face like she just saw a ghost. He hurries over putting the pitcher and the coffee cup on the tray table. “Oh my god, are you ok? What is it?”  
  
“I don’t want to see Jared.” She pleads, body trying to curl in on itself, she winces from the pain in her ribs. “Please Jensen; I can’t see him…not now.”  
  
“Okay, it’s okay, I got you.” He take her hands in his rubbing them and trying to calm her down.  
  
Her eyes are darting around the room like she’s looking for a safe place to hide.  
“What happened Gen? Why can’t you see Jared?”  
  
“I can’t Jensen, okay, I can’t.” She’s on the verge of hysterical.  
  
“Did he do this to you?” Jensen demands. He’s never seen her like this before, to Jared or anyone.  
  
“No, he was, no. Please Jensen.”  
  
He pulls her into his chest and strokes her back. “I’ve got you; you don’t have to do anything you don’t want, alright.”  
  
He pulls back and looks her in the face. “I haven’t asked, because I wanted you to tell me on your own time. But I think I need to know now.”  
  
Chest heaving and throat fluttering, slowly, she catches her breath. “I…I had.” She starts and stops voice hitching. “I had just gotten home from class when Jared buzzed from the gate in front of the building. He came up and we were just hanging out, watching Friends. I was eating a sandwich and we had a couple of beers. He was fidgety but that’s been Jared lately.”  
  
She looks up at Jensen with something of an apology. Jensen shakes his head. “I know. It’s not your fault.”  
  
“He said that he was going to go out to Palm Springs with Chad, after rush hour, to some party they had heard about. He asked if I wanted to come with them. I said no, I had class the next morning and that’s not my scene anyway.”  
  
She takes another deep breath and exhales. Her hands are in her lap and she’s flicking her thumbnails together. She won’t really look at him. “It must have been about an hour so when his phone went off. So he got up and walked over the window and looked down at the street. I figured it was just Chad. So I went into the kitchen to clean up a bit and grab a beer for him.” She blushes slightly at that. Old crushes can still have you doing silly things.  
“Jared came into the kitchen and said Mike was coming up.” She stops flicking her nails, instead pressing her nails into her fingers, leaving crescent marks up and down the pads of her fingers.  
  
“Rosenbaum?”  
  
“Yeah, he’s still a prick. He hooks up Jared and Chad with party favors. Jared knows I can’t stand him and I certainly didn’t want him around.” She looks Jensen in the eyes then, rage clear then. “Him or Tom Welling.”  
  
The coffee in Jensen’s stomach turns. That’s who was in the Cadillac he saw in front of Joan’s and coming out of Jared’s garage. Mike Rosenbaum, Tom’s lackey since freshman year of high school.  
  
“I told Jared, absolutely no, not in my house. He begged and said Mike would be gone in less than five minutes” Reaching for Jensen’s coffee, she takes a deep gulp and then continues. “An hour later he was still there, being his greasy self, joking with Jared and giving me shit for being annoyed.”  
  
She lets out a sigh, trying to master herself. “Finally he said ‘shall we get to business?’ so I went into my bedroom. I didn’t want to be there to watch it.”  
  
Jensen doesn’t want hear it but he knows. Gen has seen Jared get stoned before. And she clearly knows about the coke. It never seemed to bother her as much as what he knows what is coming.  
  
“I gave them about ten minutes and I went back out there. Jared could nod, but I wanted Mike gone.”  
  
Images of Jared’s face as a child flash through Jensen’s head. He can almost imagine the look Jared must get on his face when he gets the rush. Jensen is both livid and heartbroken.  
“I tried to get him to leave but he wouldn’t. Kept egging me on, saying shit about how stuck up I was in school, how I never gave him the time of day, and that now, people respected him and that I would be lucky to be by his side.” Her eyes are watery now. “I tried to get past him and wake Jared but he wouldn’t budge. Mike grabbed me by the arm and almost pulled it out of the socket. ‘Some people even fear me, Cortese.’ I laughed at him. Then he backhanded me across the face.”  
  
She just breathes for a minute; the room is silent except for the beeping of the heart monitor at the head of the bed.  
  
“He grabbed me by the neck and threw me down on the floor. Cursing and spitting in my face. I tried to yell and grab for Jared on the sofa, but Mike punched me in the stomach. He pushed up my skirt and was fumbling getting his pants undone; I was crying and screaming for Jared. He grabbed my hair and slammed my head against the floor. He shoved into me, hard, and I squeezed my legs together as hard as I could to stop him. I just kept crying calling ‘Jared…Jared’ and pulling on his hand.  
  
_"You’re a squirmy little bitch aren’t ya?’Mike sneers, laughing at her struggling.  
  
He pulls her leg up and flips her over. She kicks back with all she has, hitting him in the stomach and then tries to scramble away. Just as she’s getting to her  feet Mike lunges and pulls her leg back, yanking her back down to the floor. He gets up and pulling her with him up off of her feet, and covers her mouth with his hand.  
  
You fucking cunt, you’re gonna pay for that.’ He growls._  
  
Jensen can practically hear his blood boiling, as it races through his veins, heart rate speeding up.  
  
“He dragged me into my room and threw me on the bed. I scratched him as hard as I could on the neck. He just kept hitting me til I stopped moving and then he…he.” She stammers, voice hitching again. “It was a nightmare but I was awake. I felt all of it, like someone swinging a bat at me over and over again, until he, finished.”  
  
They both have tears streaming down their faces only now, Jensen is the one shaking.  
  
She swallows hard and then quiets again. “I don’t know how long it was, but he finally got up and left. He hissed something about me, then about Jared, but I wasn’t listening. When I heard the front door slam shut I crawled to my bedroom door, shut it and locked it. Jared was still out cold on the couch.”  
  
Jensen stands up, ringing his hands together, then wiping them on the side of his pants. He’s got on the ones he wore yesterday; his luggage was at his folk’s house. But he borrowed a shirt from Jared and all he wants to do, besides kill that son of a bitch Rosenbaum and beat the shit out of Jared, is to rip it off because it’s making his skin crawl.  
  
Gen’s voice is calm now. “When I woke up, I pulled myself into the bathroom and tried to…I grabbed the cordless off the counter and called 911. Jared wasn’t there when they arrived.”  
  
Its then that Jared gets there. He’s got a small smile on his face and he’s inching his way into the room. “Is it okay if I come in? I’ve got some Oreos and milk.” He shakes them in his hands like he’s trying to pacify a small child, or a hurt friend.  
  
Gen doesn’t even look towards him, just away to the window.  
  
“Get out, Jared.” Jensen demands.  
  
“Is something wrong?”  
  
“Get out, Jared.” Jensen hollers.  
  
He pushes Jared back in to the hallway, closing the door to the room behind him.  
  
“What the hell Jensen? Is she okay?”  
  
“No she’s not fucking okay and it’s your fucking fault.”  
  
“What the hell did I do? I told you, I didn’t touch her.” He pushes Jensen’s back.  
  
“Mike did this. While you were gacked out of your head, he did this.” Jensen seethes. “He beat the shit out of her and raped her, and you were passed out on the sofa. You were right there Jared and you did nothing.” He spits outs.  
  
Jared’s hands drop to his sides, the cookies and milk fall the floor and he sinks against the wall, shame and confusion evident on his face.  
  
“She’s your best friend Jared and you brought this on her.” Jensen is poking at Jared’s chest, keeping his voice low so as not to call any more attention to them. “Weed, coke, it wasn’t enough for you? How long has it been Jared?”  
  
“What?” Jared looks up, eyes puppy dog, like he’s lost, but Jensen doesn’t budge.  
  
“How long have you been shooting heroin?”  
  
“I don’t know, a few months maybe, I don’t do it all the time.”  
  
“Jesus, Jared. I don’t even know who you are anymore.” His heart is breaking all over again and the fight drains out of his body.  
  
“Whose fault is that Jen, huh?” Jared straightens up now, pulling his shoulders back.  
  
“You’re the one that left us, remember?” He snaps back.  
  
“You’re right, I did leave. But this, all of this, is your fault.” Jensen challenges, pointing towards Gen.  
  
“I am so sorry this happened Jen, you have no idea. But I didn’t hurt her. Mike did. And he’s going to pay for it.” Jared amends.  
  
Jensen just shakes his head. “I can’t even look at you anymore. I may have moved to New York, but you’re the one that left. Yeah, you didn’t touch her, but this is your fault Jared. It’s because of you that Mike was even there and you can’t even take responsibility for it.”  
  
“What do you want from me Jensen? You want me to apologize to you? I said I was sorry. You want me to apologize to Gen? I will, for the rest of my life, but you won’t let me near her. So what then, huh? What?” He throws his hands up in the air, like he’s out of options.  
  
“I don’t know Jared. I don’t know how bad it is or how far gone you really are. I’m sorry about that. I can tell you what to do, just like when we were kids, but I honestly don’t think you’ll listen.” Jensen is defeated. “I don’t even know if I care anymore.”  
  
He knows that part is a lie. He loves Jared, always will, but Jared has to come clean and start telling the truth, or ask for help, if he even wants it.  
  
Right now Jensen has to focus on his other best friend.  
  
His eyes well up with tears. “Please just, leave us alone.”  
  
“Jensen.” Jared sobs.  
  
Jensen shakes his head and walks back into Gen’s room, closing the door behind him.  
  
Leaving Jared behind.

 

 

Two days later Gen is released from the hospital.  
  
Instead of going to her parents’ house, she wants to go back to her place. “This is my home Jensen and I’m not letting that asshole ruin it for me.”  
  
Jensen stays with her.  
  
No one has heard from or seen Jared, Jensen isn’t surprised.  
  
When they step into her place, she takes a long slow look around. Jensen brought over some things from his room at his folks, mostly board games and a stack of dvd’s they used to watch constantly.  
  
When she finally makes it into her bedroom she cries and gives Jensen a crushing hug, as much as she can muster anyway.  
  
“I love it, thank you so much.” She says, walking over and running her hand over the new bedding.  
  
He smiles. “I filled your fridge too, but I think we should call in a pizza right now and throw in ‘What About Bob’, sound good to you?”  
  
“It’s sounds perfect, but more than anything, I want a shower.”  
  
“You’re gonna need help with that. Should we call your mom or something?” He recommends.  
  
“No! I just want to relax and I don’t need to be worried about her worrying over me.” She insists.  
  
About an hour later, the pizza shows up and so does Danneel.  
  
Gen insisted Jensen could have helped her ‘you’ve seen me naked plenty of times’ but he thought this time it would be better if another woman was there to help.  
  
Another hour later, Gen is swathed in a thick terry cloth robe and cashmere socks. He skin is pink from the heat of the shower and scrubbing herself clean. Danneel helping her throughout, even blow drying Gen’s hair and pulling it in back into a low ponytail. When they come out Jensen is pulling the pizza out of the oven and placing it on the kitchen island with some containers of salads and a few bottles of water.  
  
Before they sit down on the couch to eat and watch ‘Thelma & Louise’, at their insistence, Jensen flips the seat cushions over.  
  
“Okay Jensen, enough, thank you.” Gen chuckles.  
  
After the movie ends and Danneel leaves, he makes them some tea and they go to into Gen’s room for a much needed nap. Hospitals aren’t all that conducive to restful sleep.  
  
Gen lies back against the mountain of new pillows, tucked just under Jensen’s arm.  
  
“I’m sorry I never called you more or asked how things were here. I should have, I was a coward.” He admits.  
  
She yawns and adjusts her arm a little so she can turn her face up towards his. “You weren’t being a coward Jensen. I knew why you didn’t. I guess it’s my own fault for not being honest with you and telling you how bad things with Jared were really getting.”  
  
“So we both suck?” Jensen says.  
  
“Pretty much.” She concludes. “You know, the thing is, with Jared, it’s not like he isn’t still Jared.”  
  
“I know.” Jensen agrees.  
  
“Like eighty percent of the time, he’s just Jared, you know? He’s like the best person ever.”  
  
“Hey!” Jensen admonishes.  
  
“Present company excluded, of course.” She teases.  
  
“Of course.” He pinches her hips lightly.  
  
“He’s still goofy and smart and always up for anything. But it’s like the clock strikes stupid and he just does this total Jekyll Hyde one eighty and then he’s just gone.”  
  
“How bad is it?” Jensen asks.  
  
“Well, I’ll admit he is funnier when he’s stoned, but when he’s on rails or something else, I don’t know who I’m looking at.” She rubs at her eyes a bit. “It wasn’t really that bad until a few months ago. I could tell he was getting into harder stuff. Then he and Chad were going out to Palm Springs more and more.”  
  
“So not just to his parents’ house, out there or clubs?” Jensen is putting it together.  
  
“Tom has a place out there.” She continues. “He’s like a walking example of Drug Dealer 101. Pretend to be their friend, get them hooked with a few free hits then charge them interest.”  
  
“Great.” Jensen groans. “So it’s just the same as it was in high school, with Mike just behind him, doing the dirty work.”  
  
“I’ve heard horror stories from other people, about what they do if someone can’t pay or something.” Gen shudders. “What are we going to do Jen?”  
  
“We are going to sleep, then I will think of something and you will work on getting better.” Jensen commands.  
  
“Yes, Chief.” She takes his hand and kisses the back of his knuckles.  
  
They wake later to pounding on the door. Jensen makes Genevieve stay in her room.  
  
When he looks through the peephole he sees Jared.  
  
“Jensen please, I know you’re here.” He begs.  
  
Jensen opens the door and Jared comes in. He’s a mess. He’s sweaty and his clothes are filthy. He’s got black circles around his eyes as if he’s been up for days. Jensen thinks he probably has.  
  
“Jared, what’s going on?”  
  
“I know I’m the last person you guys want to see right now and I don’t blame you, but I’m trouble Jen. I need help.” He pleads.  
  
Jensen wanted this but not like this. Jared is shaking and rubbing his arms like he’s freezing despite the warmth of the apartment.  
  
“He’s ours Jensen.” They both spin around and see Gen standing in the doorway to her room.  
These two tall guys and it’s her, all five feet four inches, who’s always been the strongest of them.  
  
Jared rushes to her and collapses at her feet, arms hugging around her waist. “I am so so sorry Peanut. This is all my fault. The last thing I’d ever want is to hurt you or Jensen.  
You have to believe me.” He begs, repeating the words over and over again.  
  
She cards her fingers through his hair and leans down to kiss the top of his head. “I know Jay, I know.”  
  
They end up on the sofa and Jared admits that his parents halted his trust fund and that he and Chad owed Tom a lot of money. Mike made them a deal to do some drug running for Tom, as a way to pay back some of the debt. So they did it a few times, but they skimmed some of the product and Mike found out a few days ago.  
  
“I’m scared Jen. These guys are crazy. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what they’re going to do to us.” Jared is frantic.  
  
“How much do you owe them Jay?” Gen asks.  
  
“It was twenty five thousand before, but now he wants fifty.”  
  
“Fuck, Jared, how on earth…never mind. When do they want it?” Jensen asks, his head dropping into his palms.  
  
“Three days.”  
  
He lets his hands rub over his face. “Okay, three days. I can figure this out. We’ll figure this out.” Jensen attempts. “I only have a few thousand in my savings right now, but I can cash out some stocks to maybe make fifteen.”  
  
“I have a little over ten thousand.” Gen adds.  
  
“I can ask my dad for a loan.” He’ll have to lie to Alan about why he needs it, the guilt filling him thinking that maybe he’s really to blame for all of it, since he’s the one that gave Jared his first hit of weed seven years ago. He was supposed to teach them sure, but he was also supposed to protect them. He made a promise and he broke it. “We’ll fix this, I promise.”  
  
“I know I don’t have the right to ask for your forgiveness.” Jared looks to Gen. “From either of you, but I am really really sorry and I swear I’ll make it up to both of you. I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.” Gen gives him a small smile.  
  
Jared faces breaks wide, like that alone is all he needs right now. “I’m going to go talk to Gerry, see if he’ll let me have the rest of it.”  
  
Jensen walks Jared to the door and tells him to call Jensen as soon as he’s done talking to his dad. Jared promises he will and hugs him.  
  
“Well this has been another Hallmark Moment.”  
  
“Never a dull moment around here, Jensen, you know that.” Gen stands up and heads towards her room. “I need another nap.”  
  
Jensen checks his watch. “The bank closes in an hour. I’m going to go get that money and put an order in to cash out those bonds. I’ll swing by and get your prescriptions at the pharmacy on the way back.”  
  
“Bring some ice cream too please, mint chip.” She says.  
  
“I’ll be back soon.” Jensen grabs his wallet and his keys and heads out.  
  
**  
  
There’s a knock on the door a few minutes later and Gen gets up expecting it to be Jensen having forgotten something. She opens the door. It’s not Jensen.

 

 

About an hour and a half later, Jensen’s heading back to Genevieve’s. He’s got a wad of cash, painkillers and two kinds of ice cream. He calls his parents’ house to let them know what’s going on with Jared, they aren’t they but MacKenzie is. She tells him that since Jensen’s been gone everyone has had to deal with Jared and his mistakes. But that Jensen shouldn’t blame himself for how Jared turned out. And even though he loves Jared, Jared needs to clean up his own messes. Jensen thinks maybe she’s smarter than the lot of them. He makes her promise this time, to be a better brother and call home more.  
  
When he walks into Gen’s place the place is destroyed and Gen is curled into a ball on the sofa.  
  
She’s okay, just shaken, they didn’t touch her.  
  
“There was a knock on the door like a minute after you left, I thought it was you. It wasn’t.” She’s shivering but not crying.  
  
It was two guys looking for Jared. They tossed the place looking for something and when they couldn’t find it they left. But not before the one with a dragon tail tattoo wrapped around his throat made a comment about her being sloppy seconds.  
  
Jensen is furious he leaves Jared a message and stuffs a bag with things for Gen and takes her back to his parents’ house. It’s safe and secure there.  
  
He sets her up in his bedroom and goes to make her some tea. He tries for Jared again, no answer.  
  
It’s almost midnight, when Jensen’s phone finally rings. It’s Jared.  
  
“Where the hell are you? Do you know what’s happened?” Jensen hisses, he’s in his bathroom with the door shut, trying not to wake Gen.  
  
“Chad is dead.” Is all Jared says.  
  
Jensen sinks to the floor. “Where are you Jay?”  
  
“I’m in the desert.” He can hear the sound of cars whizzing past, Jared must be at a phone booth. “My dad said the only money he’d give me was money to check into rehab.”  
Jensen can hear Jared shaking.  
  
“I can’t say I blame him, I did some pretty shitty things while you were gone Jen.” Jared admits. “I thought maybe I could talk to Tom. Tell him I had the twenty five and that I would pay him back the rest as soon as I could.”  
  
“What about Chad?” Jensen thinks of Little Miracles and how Chad Michael Murray is now another child actor statistic.  
  
“He’s in the room at the Stardust, where we normally stay at.” Jensen can hear Jared adding a few more coins into the payphone. “I think maybe Tom gave him a hot dose or something, as a warning.”  
  
“I’m coming to get you.” Jensen gets up and looks at himself in the mirror, the dark rings under his eyes are even more pronounced now.  
  
“I’m sorry Jensen.”  
  
“After this, I’m driving you to rehab myself, Jared. I’ll do whatever I have to to help get you clean, but you are going. You hear me?”  
  
“I hear you.”  
  
He doesn’t wake Gen, but leaves her a note. Mac’s bedroom light is on so he asks her to keep an eye on Gen and he’ll be back soon. He doesn’t say where he’s going or why? But he knows she’s not dumb.  
  
“Just be safe Jensen, ok?” She sticks out her pinky finger.  
  
Jensen’s been making a lot of promises lately. “I’ll do what I can, kiddo.” He hooks his pinky around hers and tugs.


	6. All That Glitters

With nobody on the road in the middle of the night, it takes just under two hours for Jensen to get to Palm Springs. It felt longer than that of course, his nerves fraying every minute he got closer to Jared but further from Gen. All the landmarks he used to count when he drove out with his parents as a kid are shrouded in black from a moonless night. It’s not until he sees the bright light of the gas station on North Palm Canyon that he takes deeper breaths.  
  
He just needs to get to Jared.  
  
He still doesn’t know what he’s going to do about Chad. Ten minutes later he’s pulling up on the phone booth Jared said he was at. It’s empty.  
  
He gets out of his car, leaning back in to honk the horn twice. Jared may have sat down somewhere off the street or something. Jensen waits five minutes and no one shows up. He can see the lights of the Stardust about five hundred yards down the road, so he gets back in the car and heads over.  
  
Turning into the driveway and slowing under the giant neon sign proclaiming it The Famous Stardust Motel, there really is no truth in advertising, he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary. It’s just a big V-shaped two floor building with a kidney shaped pool in the center. Jensen laughs to himself, it’s the jewel on the crown. There doesn’t appear to be many people vacationing at The Stardust, there are only about a dozen cars in the entire parking lot. But then again, most of the rooms here probably rent by the hour. He lets the car crawl towards the far side of the building watching for anything or anyone.  
  
He sees the room number on the second floor, light from the stairwell glinting off the two zero two on the door. The lights aren’t on in the room but the door is open a crack. This could be a good or bad thing. Given the events of the last few days, Jensen knows that it’s probably the latter. He pulls around to the back side of the building and is pleased to see that there is a short alley that dumps you back out on the main road. Quick exit.  
  
It’s quiet back here, nothing moving except for him. Having seen enough horror movies in his life he decides to leave the keys in the ignition and all the car doors unlocked. He looked up and could see the bathroom window and another darkened window at the back of the room. His pupils must have dilated because his eyes are acclimating to the dark surroundings. Checking around as he goes, he slowly climbs the stairs trying to hear for voices or any other strange noises, there’s neither.  
  
He makes it to the top of the stairs unscathed. The light from the stairwell is behind him and if he steps into the vicinity of the door frame someone inside would see him right away. So he waits just on the other side of the wall for a few minutes, trying to listen harder for voices or movement in the room. It occurs to him then, that is someone, not Jared, is in the room waiting for it doesn’t really matter. He doesn’t have a gun or any kind of weapon and he hasn’t been in a hand to hand fight in years. So he’s screwed if it comes down it. At this point he just needs to rip the band aid and go in.  
  
He steps in front of the door and nothing happens, so he slowly opens it about a foot, trying to see any bodies on the two double beds. It’s dark but there doesn’t seem to be anything or anyone. Quickly he throws the door open all the way pulling back just before it hits the wall with a bang. No one behind the door. He lets out a breath. The room is empty. But then again, not really. Chad is here.  
  
He closes the door and makes sure the heavier curtains are totally closed before he turns on one of the table lamps on the nightstand. The room is untouched. The beds aren’t messed up, there is no clothing strewn about, even the complimentary cups and plastic ice bucket are still wrapped in plastic sitting on the low dresser. He takes a deep breath and moves to the back of the room, towards the bathroom.  
  
Jensen counts to three and turns on the bathroom light. It’s bright and at first everything is wash out and spotty, like when you look directly in to the sin for a second then look at the things around you. It only takes a few seconds but when he can see he sees Chad. Slumped on the floor leaning over the toilet. He’s in board shorts, leather sandals and a black long sleeve tee. The standard Chad uniform. The only thing unusual, besides the obvious, is the one pushed up sleeve and syringe hanging from the crook of his arm.  
  
“You didn’t deserve this either.” Jensen murmurs.  
  
He turns the light off, flipping the switch with his elbow just as he had before.  
Leaving the room just as he found it, he gets back into his car and gets back on the street. He only goes a few blocks before he pulls over. A hard chill runs through him and he shakes out the tension that he was holding onto back there. After a minute he calls Danneel. She tells where Tom lives. He tells her where Chad is. She cries a little but then says. “Go kill that mother fucker.”  
  
It’s a little after three am but the party still seems to be in full swing. All the lights are on n the house and there is a steady thump of music emanating from closed up windows. He leaves the keys in the ignition again and crosses the street. There are people leaving as he walks up to the front door. None of them pay him any mind, so he turns the handle and sure enough the door opens. He lets himself in and makes his way through the crowd of maybe sixty people going room by room looking for Jared, Tom or Mike. He keeps his head down in case they spot him first. Some people are dancing in what should be the dining room and others are doing lines off a Noguchi coffee table in the living room. About a dozen people are on the patio and in the pool, smell of weed wafting in thru the patio doors.  
  
It looks like any other party really. Until he checks the powder room, three people are in there and he can see spoons and baggies on the counter top. A skinny blonde haired girl is wrapping a piece of black rubber around a guy’s arm, he’s got a shaved head but doesn’t look much older than Jensen, another girl with jet black hair and heavy lidded kohl lined eyes that are glazed over is sitting on the toilet seat leaning back against the tank. Her sleeve is pulled back and there is a small red drop of blood in the crease of her elbow. Jensen steps back out into the hallway and just holds onto the door frame.  
  
When he looks up Tom is standing at the end of the hall, dressed in a silk bathrobe of all things. His hair is greasy, skin sweaty looking; he’s smoking a cigarette and waving a cocktail in his other hand.  
  
“Glad to see you finally made it Jenny.” He crows.  
  
Jensen goes straight for Tom, his fists clenched and one raised ready to strike, but then two guys come up behind and hold Jensen off.  
  
He tries to get loose of their grip and he notices the tattoo on one of the guys. A dragon tail across his neck. Motherfucker.  
  
“So you come here just to get your boy or did you come here to have some fun?” Tom asks, his hand swinging around like he’s offering the place up like a Price is Right model.  
  
“I just want Jared, asshole.” Jensen spits. “We’ll get you your money.”  
  
“Oh, I know you will.” Tom smirks. Then he leans in like he’s about to tell a secret. “But now it’s double.”  
  
“You’re fucking nuts. We can’t come up with that. Not in three days.” Jensen answers.  
  
“A pity about Chad, he was such a good little soldier in the early days. But he’s retired and Jared now owes his share of the cut product and for breaking my trust.” Tom clutches the drink to his chest feigning hurt.  
  
Jensen shakes his head. “I can’t get that; not that fast.”  
  
“Then I guess Jared’s just gonna have to keep earning his way back in the hard way, literally.” Tom motions his head back towards the hallway and Jensen turns seeing a couple of guys standing by the door. “He’s such a good little bitch, Ackles, taking it like a man and probably loving every minute of it.” Tom sneers and laughs like it’s just the funniest thing ever.  
  
Jensen runs towards the double doors of what must be the master bedroom.  
  
Tom’s laughing voice chases him down the hall, “You didn’t think you were the only one did you, Jensen? That boy’s mouth was made for fucking.”  
  
Rage, adrenalin and nausea are coursing through Jensen’s body all at once. He breaks through the door and into the room. There are several guys standing around watching, watching Jared on all fours on the bed. His face is sheet white, his lips are swollen, his eyes dark and he’s sweating. Mike Rosenbaum has his dick in Jared’s mouth while some other guy with blonde is behind Jared, fucking him like a jackhammer.  
  
Mike looks towards Jensen and laughs. “Hey Ackles! Nice to see you, again.”  
  
Jared pulls back and his eyes go wide. Fear, shame, and an apology wrestle across his face. Jensen’s eyes fill with tears but he’s in motion before a single tear is shed. He pulls Jared off the bed and gabs the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. The blonde guy squawks and Mike moves to grab for them.  
  
He hasn’t done it in years but the sense memory returns, powered by hate and fury he throws a punch straight at the face of the guy who raped Gen. Mike guy goes down before Jensen can even feel the pain radiating up his arm. The guy is on the floor and without a bit of hesitation, Jensen kicks him in the stomach, then once more in the balls for good measure.  
Tom and his thugs are there now. Jensen spits at Mike, writhing on the floor, Tom is yelling at him and Jared, and just before Tom can land a blow to Jensen who is too focused on the squirming piece of shit at his feet, Jared swings his arm to cover Jensen and knocks Tom hard with his elbow. Blood gushes from Tom’s nose.  
  
Jared is comes up behind Jensen, his pants open but over his hips, his shirt hanging from one arm. It all takes a matter of seconds and they are stumbling down the hall trying to get Jared’s clothes on while getting out. Through the noise and the chaos they can hear Mike coming down the hall after them.  
  
Jensen trips and falls to his knees but then Jared pulls him up, they stumble and run out the front door, careening towards the car and they take off. Jared has his head down and trying to get his shirt all the way on when Jensen reaches out to grab his hand. Jensen’s heart is beating out of his chest but he wants to make sure Jared is ok. Or at least as ok as he can be, nothing broken or bleeding. Jared won’t look at him though.  
  
They are about twenty minutes down the highway, before Jensen lets up on the gas pedal. No one seems to be behind them. Adrenalin and fear is making its way out of Jensen’s body. The sky is turning a milky gray, dawn not too far off. There is a service station with all their lights on just ahead and Jensen makes to pull in. There are no people in sight and the sign on the cashier’s window reads “Closed”.  
  
Jensen parks and gets out of the car. His hand is swollen and knuckles split. He rakes his uninjured hand thru his hair and turns to look at Jared. He hunched over and looks so small, which is almost funny considering he’s been taller than Jensen for years now. But his shaggy brown hair hangs in his eyes and he looks likes his five year old self, pouting.  
  
Jensen walks over to the other side of the car and opens the door. He crouches down to look at Jared. His eyes are black from lack of sleep and too many drugs, the corners of his mouth are crusted and his nose is dripping.  
  
“Jared, Jared it’s ok. I got you” Jensen tries to push his hair off his face and tilt his chin up.  
  
Jared finally looks up, dark eyes rimmed red and he’s crying. Those eyes Jensen fell in love with. The kaleidoscope of green, brown, and blue are darkened, the light behind them gone. “I’m sorry Jen.”  
  
Jensen reaches into the back seat and grabs a clean shirt from his duffle. He wipes away the tears, and smudges, cleans at Jared’s nose and mouth and leans in to kiss his forehead.  
“Makes it heal quicker.” Jared gives a small smile at that. “We’ll figure it out.”  
  
They sit there for a few minutes, neither saying a thing, just clutching each other as much as they can in their awkward position.  
  
They get back on the road; the sun is just starting to rise at their backs. Jensen keeps reassuring himself in his head, they’ll figure it out.  
  
Just then Jared starts coughing and shaking, he starts to throw up white gunk that Jensen isn’t about to question and sweating harder than he was before. Jensen pulls over and tries to turn him facing out the door.  
  
“Jared, Jared…no. Jared?” Jared is shaking so hard he’s almost convulsing.

 

 

Jensen can’t even believe it; he’s at the hospital again.  
  
The paramedics were able to stabilize Jared and get him to a local hospital. Tom had dosed him, just as he had Chad, but with Jared as big as he is, he was able to get through it, just barely, but he’s alive and that’s all that matters right now.  
  
Jensen isn’t alone this time; Gen is sitting next to him in the small desert hospital.  
  
Megan and Mackenzie are sleeping curled up with each other on a sofa in the corner of the waiting room. Donna and Alan stepped out to get everyone some coffee and food. There’s no fancy coffee or state of the art luxury facility here to accommodate them. The hospital serving it’s only real purpose, to heal, and for that, they are all grateful.  
  
Gerry and Sherry are in a small conference room down the hall, talking with Jared’s doctors and a Substance Abuse Counselor.  
  
Over the next few days, Jared is released from the hospital. He stays with his folks who decide, with Jensen’s parents and Gen’s, that they would forgo their annual trip to Monaco to stay home and reacquaint themselves with their children.  
  
A small service is held on the beach for Chad, they all attend and after, Jared is driven to rehab.  
  
Tom’s place in the desert was raided and him and Mike were arrested for drug trafficking and Chad’s murder. Genevieve identified Mike as the person who attacked her and with the evidence from the rape kit, that charge was added to the others.  
  
A week later Jensen goes back to New York, Genevieve goes with him.

 

 

It’s a little over a month later when he gets the call. It’s Jared. He’s says he’s doing well and has earned enough good behavior merits to get one ten minute phone call. Jensen puts the phone on speaker so Gen can hear him and talk to him too. He starts by apologizing, it’s part of the steps, but he means it, and Jensen knows it’s real this time. He can’t apologize enough to Gen and swears he’s going to make it up to her. They talk for a couple of minutes before Jared asks to speak to Jensen privately. He doesn’t have much phone time left so he just says what he needs to say.  
  
“I know you don’t believe me, not right now. But I’m hoping, if I work hard enough I can make this all up to you. I’m hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me, trust me…and maybe even love me again?” Jared waits but Jensen is silent. “I was a mess, I know, but I meant what I said before Jensen. When I told you I was in love with you. I meant it. I am in love with you, have been my whole life.”  
  
Given the events of the last few months, of the last few years, Jensen doesn’t know how to respond to that. . He can and will be there for Jared as his best friend, because that won’t ever change, he won’t let it. But Jared has a long road ahead of him and Jensen won’t be able to take the heartbreak again if this trip to rehab doesn’t stick. He’s got to protect his heart, especially where Jared’s concerned.  
  
“How about I…we, pick you up when they cut you loose?” It’s the best he can do right now.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, that would be great.” There’s a small layer of disappointment under the words, but Jared accepts it. “You two take care of each other, okay? See you soon.”  
“You too Jay, see ya soon. Love you.” Jensen hangs up and rubs his eyes to keep the tears at bay.  
  
Gen snorts right then. “Ewe, gross love stuff.” She says, giving a fake shudder. Then her face softens and she looks him in the eyes. “He’s still alive Jensen. I don’t want to be the sappy romantic here, but that’s gotta mean something, right?”  
He always knew she was the strongest of all of them.

 

 

The late summer sun is settling down for the night, offering its last rays to the vast expanse of untouched land spread out in front of him, as Jensen is coming through the screen door with three beers in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. He hands the water to Genevieve, leaves one of the sweating bottles at the top of the porch stairs and hands another to Jared who is sitting on a wood rocking bench he made. Jensen sits next to him and they clink their bottles together at the neck and all three take long pulls from their drinks.  
  
It’s been another long day, a good day.  
  
Genevieve drew up several design options for their newest client and Jared spent the day putting the final touches on a piece for another. Jensen spent his signing the last of way too many documents for a business loan that will help them buy some new pieces of equipment for the place and finish building out the workshop for Jared, maybe even hire another hand or two.  
  
They are making furniture, together.  
  
Jensen finished school early with a business degree, so it was fitting that he’d run it and the ranch. Gen’s skills found a home and one of the things Jared had done while he was in rehab was woodworking. It was calming and at the same time exciting for him. He had a natural talent and loved working with his hands. It was so crazy how it all came together, after everything that had happened a little over a year ago, perfect.  
  
None of them had seen it coming, and why would they?  
  
Who leaves California?  
  
They did.  
  
After Jared left rehab, they decided they should go on a road trip together, just the three of them. Help each other heal their wounds. They were going to have an adventure, no plans, just get in the car and drive. But when the road got them to Las Cruces, they figured, the New Mexico-Texas borderline wasn’t far off so they may as well go all the way to Dallas. Jared wanted to see if the big slide was still there. So did Jensen.  
  
The park was still there, but their big slide had been replaced with a newer model. Still, Gen insisted she take a picture of them together on it. Despite the questioning looks from the adults and the annoyed looks from the children around the playground, they managed to get up the slide and into their old seated positions. Both men being over six feet tall, it was a feat. They had their legs dangling over the side of the railing, Jared leaning back against Jensen’s chest, one of Jensen’s arms circle Jared’s waist, just as it was back then. I didn’t matter though once they settled and Gen snapped several pictures; their smiles and the faces they made at each other spoke volumes of what really mattered.  
  
They stayed in Dallas for an extra day, checking out all their old stomping grounds, even driving by the Ackles first house. It was great, and for the boys, just what the doctor ordered.  
  
When they started to head home they drove south towards San Antonio and stopped for lunch just north of Austin. It was gorgeous country, hilly, richly green, and still very much Texas. Not at all like the desert scrub brush and high plains they had envisioned as kids; dreaming about being cowboys.  
  
As they ate sandwiches on a bench just outside of a small roadhouse, Gen spotted a handmade advertisement for a ranch for sale. Out of curiosity they drove out and looked at the place, it was empty but for a few buildings on the land; a single story ranch house with a wrap-around porch, a barn in need of attention and a small stable. The ad said it sat on a little over fifty acres of land. It was kind of cool and had some great views. They got back on the road and headed back to California. Gen held on to the ad.  
  
A few short months later they were home, in Texas.  
  
They fixed up the house and turned the barn into a workshop. Gen was able to get a few horses and a pony she helped train in the coral they built off the back end of the stable. She and Jared would ride together every morning, looping the perimeter of their land, while Jensen would cook up breakfast and read the paper, drink his coffee and wait for them to get back.  
  
They had spent a small fortune at the Tack and Feed in town and that’s where they met Matt. He had worked there since he was kid and spent a few weeks helping them outfit the stables. It didn’t take long for him to take a liking to Gen of course. He’d come around in the afternoon, after his shift, and help her groom the horses and rake hay into the stalls. It took her a little longer to return the feelings, but she did.  
  
It wasn’t long after that that Gen insisted they build another house for her. After much teasing about her liking a boy and wanting alone time, they all agreed it was a good idea; she should have a place of her own. Gen casually shot back that it was really to keep from having to deal with all the noise Jensen and Jared made with their crazy monkey lovin’ that had kept her up more nights than she wanted to admit. After that pronouncement Jared and Jensen made sure the place was extra nice. It was smaller, more of a cottage, but she loved it. Most meals and tv watching was done in ‘the big house’ so was perfect her…and eventually Matt.  
  
They’re drinking their beers, and water, just taking in another picture perfect sunset. Matt’s across the yard giving a piece of cut apple to Denmark, Gen’s new mare.  
  
“That’s a good looking animal.” Jared offers.  
  
“Sure is.” Gen agrees. “He even rubs my feet at night.”  
  
Jensen groans, then they all laugh, Matt turns around and waves back at them, none the wiser, but fully aware of how they talk with each other.  
  
“Hey Jen, do you think you can get me another box of tracing paper tomorrow when you go into town?” She asks, leaning back into the rocking chair Jared made for her a few months ago when they found out she wasn’t just eating too much red meat, and settles her hand over her rounded belly.  
  
“Sure thing.” He replies.  
  
“Thanks, Chief.”  
  
Matt is heading towards them and when he gets to stairs he bends to grab the beer waiting for him. “So what’s on the menu for tonight?” He asks, taking a drink and coming to stand between Gen’s legs.  
  
She squeezes them together trapping him as he bends down to kiss her and place a hand over hers. “I vote for pizza.” She offers.  
  
“Better get two, I feel like I could eat a horse.” Jared chimes in.  
  
“Hey!” Gen points her finger at him.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. I could eat an animal not living on our land.” He gives her. “Better?”  
  
“Better.” She says as Matt helps pull her to her feet. “But I get to pick the movie tonight.”  
  
“Says who?” Jared chides.  
  
“Says the pregnant woman who will pee all over your damn boots if you don’t let her pick the movie tonight!” She huffs, but there’s a giant smile there too.  
  
“You’re vicious.” Jared winks at her.  
  
Jared gets up and pulls Jensen up the same way and the four of them head in to the house.  
Jensen pulls Jared back, looping a finger in the waist of his jeans.  
  
“Wanna drive into town with me tomorrow?” Jensen asks, head tilting up and rising on his toes a bit to kiss Jared under his chin.  
  
“Depends, you haven’t taught me about road head yet.” Jared teases.  
  
Jensen looks at him and rolls his eyes, then goes back to kissing Jared’s neck as he Jared chuckles.  
  
Jared bends his head to give Jensen a soft warm kiss and smiles against his lips. “I’ll do anything you want, Jen.”  
  
Jensen smiles, kisses him back and winks. “You’re driving.”

 

_The End_

 


End file.
